


War

by Dalankar



Category: MBLAQ, SHINee
Genre: AU, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-09
Updated: 2013-07-17
Packaged: 2017-12-18 05:06:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/875935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dalankar/pseuds/Dalankar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If someone had told Sanghyun two days ago that he'd find a stranger bleeding to death on his doorstep, he would have said 'thanks but no thanks'. He would have said that he is perfectly happy living his solitary life with his piles and piles of old, used up cars.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stranger

**Author's Note:**

> First Chapter of the War series, inspired by 'This is war' MV by MBLAQ. Be warned that although not in this chapter, all archive warnings will become applicable to future chapters.

_Now_

 

Joon walks up the gravel path towards the cottage. Late spring sun bears down on him and he lifts his face towards the cloudless blue sky of Jeju island with a smile. It is a perfect day. He is coming home.

He stops at the fence, hands spread over the rough wooden post. He sees Sanghyun on the porch, guitar in his hands. He can almost hear the cords, Joon thinks, if he listens hard enough.

Joon smiles, slowly and longingly.

 

Home.

 

 

 

_Three years ago_

 

Sanghyun is finishing off his shopping list for the week with a slight sense of surprise that he might actually have some money left over when he hears the thump at the door. He blinks and sits up. It's dark outside. The days have been getting shorter and shorter with the death of autumn. He stands up slowly and listens.

 

Nothing.

 

There are no sounds at all. But that isn't unusual. He lives pretty far from anywhere for him to be bothered by noise. And he very much prefers it that way too. He doesn't know what makes him take those five steps to the front door and open it. He doesn't expect to see anything. Certainly not a man lying unconscious on his door step. To his credit, he only freezes for a moment before scrambling down the steps and crouching down next to the man. By the light from his windows he sees the blood, dark and wet on the man's shirt and he bites his lip in horror. He reaches for the hand closest to him and searches for a pulse. The long fingered hand is warm in his' and when Sanghyun finds a pulse, low but steady, he lets out a long sigh of relief. He finds the wound, a small circular hole in the man's right shoulder a moment later. A gunshot wound. Sanghyun has seen enough crime shows to know what one looks like. Usually those with such wounds are police or gangsters or collateral damage. And this man, pale and Sanghyun notices with a jolt, beautiful, doesn't look like a policeman. He's just wearing a thin shirt against the night's chill and Sanghyun knows that taking him into his home will break the tentative peace he'd managed to work up in the last few months. But Sanghyun has never been able to turn away anyone who needed his help. His noona had said once that he'd help a man who wants to kill him if he asked for help. Sanghyun is not so sure about that but he doubts that this man, bleeding out on to the earth at his feet, is trying to kill him. So Sanghyun hooks his hands under the other man's arms and drags him as gently as he can, up the stairs.

 

Sanghyun manages to get the man almost to the bed and is wondering how to actually get him up on it and whether an ambulance would actually come this far out when the other man makes a sound and shifts. Sanghyun immediately crouches down beside him, watching his eyes flicker open and dart everywhere. Before Sanghyun can say anything, ask who he is or why he is bleeding to death in Sanghyun's home, the other man suddenly scrambles back, pressing himself against the wall and looking around the room with wide, frantic eyes.

 

Sanghyun doubts he is actually taking anything in, the way his eyes are so dilated.

 

"Hey," Sanghyun tries, using his calmest voice. "Hey, it's okay. It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you."

 

The man's eyes finally fix on him, chest rising and falling rapidly under the blood stained shirt. So red now, under the lights.

 

"My name is Sanghyun. I found you on my doorstep," Sanghyun says, pointing back towards the front door to emphasise his point.

 

The man blinks. "Will you help me?" he asks, voice tight with pain but much calmer than Sanghyun would have expected from someone bleeding from a bullet wound.

 

"You have a bullet in your shoulder," is what Sanghyun says instead of 'no, please leave.'

 

The man almost smiles, Sanghyun sees it, the tiny twitch at the corners of his lips.

 

"Do you have some hot water and tweezers?"

 

Sanghyun stares. "And some alcohol," the man adds and that snaps Sanghyun out of his haze.

 

"Yeah… I have all of those," he says, getting to his feet to boil some water.

 

15 minutes later, there are several blood soaked towels on Sanghyun's floor along with a tiny bullet. It gleams dully in the light of the room.

 

The stranger, sitting at the edge of Sanghyun's bed, which occupies most of the small room, stares wide eyed at for a moment, before looking up at him.

 

"I'm Joon," he says and falls backwards on the bed. Sanghyun stares at him. He had wrapped the injured shoulder in bandages, and washed his hands with antiseptic wash before touching the man’s- Joon’s- shoulder. So it should be okay, Sanghyun thinks. He sighs and looks down at the mess on the floor.

 

He stands up to pull the blankets over Joon. He stands there, looking down at this stranger that had so easily crashed into his life and thinks maybe he should have run further. Joon's head is tilted to the side and Sanghyun can see a small birthmark on the side of his neck, below the left ear. He smiles slightly and pulls the blankets carefully over Joon's injured shoulder. He leaves the bloody towels to soak in the sink in the bathroom, and cleans the tweezers and puts away Seungho's bottle of vodka that Sanghyun himself never touches. He wonders what Seungho would say about Joon. Sanghyun's got a feeling Seungho probably wouldn't approve. Sanghyun's got a stranger with a gunshot wound in his home. But then Seungho doesn't approve of him living all the way out here either and it is not like Sanghyun could have kicked Joon out, Sanghyun doesn't want his death on his hands. Even if he barely knows anything about him apart from his name and that he has a birthmark on his neck shaped a little like a heart.

He is wondering about Joon's story as he brushes his teeth and gets ready to sleep. He knows he didn’t hear anything. He'd like to think he would recognise a gunshot, especially with no noise around to drown it out. Maybe someone shot him and brought him out here to die or maybe Joon ran from someone who wanted to kill him or- Sanghyun runs a frustrated hand through his hair. He knows there isn't any use in speculating. It is not his business anyway.

He puts a glass of water beside the bed for Joon and pulls the sleeping bag from under the bed. He sleeps in it when Seungho visits. He falls asleep and hopes he won't dream about blood and gunfire.

 

\---

 

Joon wakes up. For a moment he has no idea where he is. But he is somewhere and that is a great thing because staring frozen at the gun pointed at him last night, he hadn't expected to live to see the next day.

He sits up, wondering why he's on a bed and winces when pain shoots through his shoulder. It's a small place, almost a caravan. The single room is illuminated by the light from the lamps outside and Joon looks down to see a figure asleep on the floor.

 

Oh.

 

_My name is Sanghyun. I found you on my doorstep._

 

The kind stranger. He remembers picking his way through the tall heaps of crushed cars, hoping so desperately that he'd find someone, knowing he'd die if he didn't. Then the stranger with his gentle hands and kind voice. Joon remembers his face blanching when he pulled the bullet out with shaking hands.

 

Sanghyun.

 

He notices the glass of water beside the bed and can't help smiling. There are real people like this? Joon has never met one. He reaches for the water.

Last night. Shouldn't have happened. Brunghee had promised him it would never happen. Joon gulps the water down. He should have left when he could have. Should have taken Cheolyong and left. Joon's hands clench around the empty glass.

He wonders how long Sanghyun would let him stay before he gets sick of him and kicks him out. Most people get sick of him eventually.

 

"Thank you," he whispers as Sanghyun shifts in his sleeping bag and makes a mental note to say it when Sanghyun is actually awake in the morning. He lies back down on the bed and closes his eyes. It's been a long time since he'd been able to sleep on a stranger's bed without having to pay for it first. He falls asleep wishing it was something he could get used to.

 

***


	2. Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanghyun has never had anyone put so much trust in him. Never had anyone put their life so wholly in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story inspired by 'This is war' MV by MBLAQ. Be warned that although not in this chapter, all archive warnings will become applicable to future chapters.

Sanghyun jerks awake. Despite his wish, his dreams had been filled with blood and gunfire and Joon's face, pale and lifeless and Sanghyun's own horror as Joon's blood ran red through his helpless fingers. All in all it wasn't the most restful night of sleep he'd ever had. He sits up, rubbing the grime out of his eyes and looks up at the bed. Joon is curled up on his good side, facing away from Sanghyun. He smiles a little when he notices the glass of water beside bed is empty. He puts the sleeping bag away and makes a note to ask Joon if there is anyone he can call for him. Any family who might be worried. He walks towards the stove and realises he'd have to cook for two people today. He wonders what one should make for someone who was just shot.

 

Something sweet? Greasy? Herbal soup?

 

He's making himself some tea when he hears the bed creak. He turns to find Joon sitting up in bed, watching him. He is pale in the early morning light. Sanghyun notices that Joon's hair is actually a dark red and not black as he'd thought last night.

 

"Thank you," Joon says, "You saved my life."

 

"Anyone would have done it." Sanghyun shrugs a little self-consciously, deciding to make eggs and toast for breakfast. He'd be using up his last two eggs but he has to go on another shopping run soon anyway.

 

"No. Not anyone." There is something in Joon's voice that tells Sanghyun that Joon really believes someone would have left him to die.

 

"Would you like eggs and toast for breakfast?" Sanghyun asks, thinking he probably doesn't know Joon well enough to probe him about why he has lost his faith in people.

 

Joon blinks and breaks in to a smile. Sanghyun can't help it when he feels a little blinded. He turns his back to Joon and busies himself by making another cup of tea.

 

"I love eggs and toast!" He hears Joon's excited voice behind him.

 

Sanghyun smiles, stirring the sugar into the tea. "Is there anyone I can call for you? Or if you'd want to call… someone who might be worried about you?" He carries the tea over to Joon. For a moment Joon looks stricken but it passes as he takes the cup from Sanghyun's hands and he shakes his head in answer.

 

"There is no one." Joon bows his head over the tea and Sanghyun stares at him for a moment. Sanghyun knows what it is like to have no one.

 

"I'm sorry," he whispers and Joon looks up at him, eyes wide with surprise.

 

"It's okay," Joon says quietly, "I'm used to it."

 

Sanghyun knows what that's like too. To just be another leaf in the river, letting waves carry him, and not fight back. He'd been like that once. Seungho would say he's still like that. Isn't that why he's living all the way out here? Maybe. Maybe not. If he'd truly given up, Seungho wouldn't be in his life. It must mean something, that even if he barely makes it through some days, that he is still here. It must.

 

He wanders back to the kitchen, leaving Joon to drink his tea in peace. He can feel Joon's eyes on his back as he makes breakfast. Following his every move as he breaks the eggs over the pan and butters their toast. He takes two plates back. Joon has finished his tea, the empty cup next to the empty glass of water on the bedside table.

 

"Do you want me to cut it up? It might be easier," Sanghyun offers, knowing Joon's right hand is pretty much immobile at the moment.

 

"No, it's perfect," Joon assures him, smiling up at him, "Thank you."

 

Sanghyun sits down on the old couch he never dares sleep on because the last time he tried, his back had hurt for a week. He takes a bite of his toast and watches as Joon takes a massive bite out of his'.  He looks away hurriedly when Joon looks over at him.

 

"It's great!" Joon claims and Sanghyun can hear the smile in his voice. He huffs out a small laugh.

 

"It's just toast."

 

"Toast is my favourite food," Joon tells him in a serious voice. Sanghyun looks at him. Coming so close to death must make the whole world seem brighter. He rubs at the scars on his wrist absently. Maybe. Joon must see some of his thoughts on his face because his smile dims a little.

 

"Is there anywhere for you to go?" he asks, wondering if this stranger with his bright smile, who doesn't believe in people and doesn't have anyone, has anywhere in the world he calls home. Joon stills, last piece of toast halfway to his mouth.

 

"If I say no, will you let me stay?" Joon asks, dark eyes fixed on him.

 

"Will whoever put that that bullet in your shoulder, follow you here?" As much as he likes Joon already, he really doesn't want to be hunted by some mad man with a gun.

 

"I doubt he'll even remember it," Joon's eyes are fixed somewhere beyond the window, voice so quiet that Sanghyun barely even hears him. "But you… I'll go if you… I don't want to mess up your life."

 

Sanghyun laughs. "This is a junk yard. How do you think you'll manage to mess it up?"

 

Joon looks at him with a small smile. "Still… you're not obliged to do anything for me. You've done more than enough already."

 

It's funny. If someone had told Sanghyun two days ago that he'd find a stranger bleeding to death on his doorstep, he would have said 'thanks but no thanks'. He would have said that he is perfectly happy living his solitary life with his piles and piles of old, used up cars. But the sight of Joon sitting cross legged on his bed, eating the toast he had made, looking at him with hopeful eyes, is enough for him to push that cautionary voice back.

 

"Stay." Joon's eyes widen. "Atleast until you get better," he adds to make sure that Joon knows he's not asking him to stay forever. Whatever Joon says, he must be wanted somewhere. Someone must want him to come home.

 

\---

 

Joon stares. How is it that he almost had to die to find someone like this? If he'd known, he would have gotten shot earlier. He jumps off the bed, ignoring the light-headedness from the sudden movement, and kneels infront of Sanghyun who looks at him with surprised eyes.

 

"I promise to work hard," he promises and has to close his eyes against the dizziness that follows. He hears Sanghyun's concerned voice, feels his hands steadying him and he lets his body lax and fall forward, certain that Sanghyun would keep his hold.

 

Next time he opens his eyes, he finds himself propped up against the couch with Sanghyun's worried face hovering infront of him. His shoulder feels like it's on fire.

 

"Here." Sanghyun presses a glass of water into his hands. "You've lost a lot of blood so you need to drink a lot of water," he says.

 

Joon tilts his face forward and Sanghyun blinks once and lifts the glass up to his lips. He drinks it all, tiredness sunk into his bones like it used to when he was on the streets. He would have died. They would have died, him and Cheolyong, if Byunghee hadn't found them. How many winters ago was that? He doesn't remember. He closes his eyes again and hears Sanghyun's voice raised in concern.

 

"Joon?"

 

He reaches out blindly with his good hand and almost smiles when Sanghyun catches it with both hands a moment later.

 

"Am I dreaming?" he asks. Sanghyun's hands are warm around his. He feels Sanghyun's jolt of surprise through their linked hands.

 

"If you are," Sanghyun says, voice soft and low, "Then we're both having the same dream."

 

This time he does find the energy to smile. "Okay." When he opens his eyes, Sanghyun is looking at him with fond eyes. "Good."

 

Sanghyun's hands are still twined around his' when he falls asleep.

 

\---

 

Sanghyun holds Joon's hand in his' and watches him sleep.

 

Maybe this is a dream.

 

The logical part of him knows this is dangerous. There is a man with a bullet wound in his house. Whoever had put that bullet there might want to put more bullets in decidedly more deadly places than Joon's shoulder. But Sanghyun knows already that he won't send Joon away if it means he'll get killed. He pulls the blanket off the bed and covers Joon up, tucking the edges in to the couch behind him. He hopes Joon won't sleep like this for too long, otherwise he'll have a painful crick in his neck.

He stands up and looks outside. The day is bright. But Sanghyun knows it will be freezing. He rubs at his wrists as he tries to guess at the temperature outside. He leaves a note for Joon on the coffee table, beside a jug of water and an apple, letting him know that he'll be just outside and just yell if he needs anything.

Sanghyun puts on his work jacket and ties up his boots. He turns back to look back at Joon from the door. His dark hair has fallen into his eyes and his head is resting against the arm of the couch. Sanghyun smiles slightly to himself and he closes the door gently, remembering not to lock it behind him.

 

 

When Sanghyun returns, Joon is exactly where he had left him. The blanket has fallen down to his waist. Sanghyun is about to turn around and start making lunch when Joon shivers. Sanghyun is beside Joon is a flash, kneeling down and touching his palm to Joon's forehead. It's warm. Much too warm and Sanghyun immediately feels guilty for leaving him alone.

 

"Joon?" Sanghyun pulls the blanket up and wraps it around the sleeping man. "Joon, wake up."

 

Joon shifts, head rolling against the couch with a low whimper.

 

"'m sleeping, Cheolyong," Joon complains when Sanghyun shakes him just a little. Sanghyun hesitates just for a moment. Cheolyong. Sanghyun wonders, just for a moment, about this name and how he fits into the 'no one' category in Joon's life. Then Joon shivers again.

 

"Joon, wake up," he calls louder and Joon's eyes flicker open.

 

"Cheolyong?"

 

"No, it's Sanghyun." Joon's skin under Sanghyun's hands feels like it's on fire.

 

"'Hyun," Joon says softly, "I'm cold."

 

Sanghyun brushes the hair back from Joon's face. "I'm going to take you to the hospital, okay?"

 

Joon's good hand reaches up to grip Sanghyun's. "Don't," Joon gasps, "Please."

 

"Joon-"

 

Joon shifts forward, head hitting Sanghyun's shoulder a moment later. "Please."

 

Sanghyun leans his head against Joon's, hand rubbing soothingly through Joon's hair. "Joon, I don't know if I can…"

 

Joon's hand, still wrapped around Sanghyun's wrist tightens. "I trust you."

 

Sanghyun has never had anyone put so much trust in him. Never had anyone put their life so wholly in his hands.

 

"Let's get you to the bed okay," he says softly and manages to pull Joon to his feet and manoeuvre him to the bed without getting tangled in anything. He sits Joon down on the bed, and when Joon droops forward without Sanghyun's support,  Sanghyun leans him gently against the wall.

 

"Hey." He cradles Joon's face in both hands, lifting his face towards him. "Just hang in there for me okay. I'm gonna try to find some medicine for you."

 

Joon watches him for a long moment, then nods slowly. Sanghyun leaves Joon slumped against the wall and rummages in his bag of medicine, keeping Joon in his sight all the while. He comes up with a packet of advil that Seungho had brought for him when he'd gotten sick last winter. He gets Joon to drink two tablets and eases him down on the bed, piling all his blankets on top of him when Joon doesn't stop shivering. He soaks a tea towel with tap water and lays it across Joon's forehead, wincing in sympathy when Joon flinches at the cold. He sits by Joon's side and watches anxiously as Joon shifts restlessly on the bed. He is almost dozing off when Joon's voice jolts him out of sleep.

 

"I'm sorry," Joon cries, voice completely distraught. "I'm sorry, Cheolyong!" It takes Sanghyun a moment to realise that Joon is dreaming.

He leans closer. "It's okay. Joon, you're okay." He tests Joon's temperature by touching the back of his hand to Joon's neck, heart sinking when he feels the heat even before his hand touches Joon's skin. Joon stills when Sanghyun's hand touches him, tilting his head towards him and breath evening out a little. Sanghyun hears wind howling outside and lifts his head to see rain splattering against the window. He realises with a sinking heart that he forgot to bring the clothes in from the clothes line outside.

When he looks down at Joon, Sanghyun finds his eyes open, watching him quietly. Sanghyun wonders if he's imagining the thin sheen of sweat on his face.

 

"Joon?" Sanghyun ventures, wondering if Joon is really awake. Joon wraps his fingers around Sanghyun's hand at his neck.

 

"Why?" Joon asks, voice so low that Sanghyun has to lean even closer to catch it. "Why did you save me?"

 

Joon's long fingers tighten around Sanghyun's wrist and there are tears shining in his eyes. "I hate it." Joon curls towards Sanghyun, gripping Sanghyun's hand like a life line. "I hate it," he whispers, squeezing his eyes shut and Sanghyun sees his tears soak into the pillow under him.

 

"Then stop," Sanghyun answers after a long moment but Joon has fallen back into sleep. Sanghyun hears the storm raging outside, smashing against his caravan and settles to watch over Joon as he sleeps.

 

 

***


	3. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn't know if it's welcome, this rapid beating of his heart, this tightening of his chest when Joon smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story inspired by 'This is war' MV by MBLAQ. Be warned that although not in this chapter, all archive warnings will become applicable to future chapters.

When Joon wakes up, he finds himself soaked in sweat. He takes a deep breath and realises he's starving. After a long moment he realises that Sanghyun is asleep by the side of the bed, one hand stretched awkwardly across the bed towards him and Joon realises he's holding on to Sanghyun's hand. Joon can see from the light of the lamps outside that Sanghyun is frowning just a little in his sleep and realises he must be cold sleeping like that. He is so warm right now that he's sure Sanghyun must have covered him with all his blankets. Joon carefully releases Sanghyun's hand and pulls a blanket off his pile and covers Sanghyun with it. Then he drains the glass of water beside the table and curls closer to Sanghyun, who has drawn his hand back towards himself, and closes his eyes.

 

The next time Joon wakes up, he's sure it's because he can smell food in his sleep. He turns his head and finds that Sanghyun is not asleep by his bedside anymore. Instead, Joon can see him standing by the stove, stirring something. The blanket he had wrapped around Sanghyun last night is again on the bed, adding to his own pile. Through the cracks in the curtain, he can see that day has broken, grey and miserable outside. He sits up gingerly, feeling weaker than he has in a long time. Sanghyun must have heard him move because he turns and the smile of relief on his face makes Joon's heart twist strangely in his chest.

"You're awake," Sanghyun says with a smile. "How do you feel?" 

Joon smiles and Sanghyun turns back to ladle something into a bowl. 

"I feel great," Joon answers brightly as Sanghyun comes over to hand him a bowl of something. 

"I'm sorry this is the best I can do right now," Sanghyun tells him, scratching the back of his head. "But I'm going to the town now so I promise to make you something more for your lunch."

Joon breathes in the steam off the soup and feels his mouth water in anticipation. "If this tastes as good as it smells, I'll eat it for the rest of my life and never get sick of it."

Sanghyun laughs. "I doubt that." 

Joon lifts a spoonful to his lips, blows on it to cool the soup a little and drinks it whole. It does taste as good as it smells.

"Wow!" he gushes after finishing half of the soup in half a breath. "Is this a secret family recipe or something?" he asks, allowing himself to look up from the soup for a moment. Sanghyun who'd been watching him with an amused smile, looks away, smile fading from his face. 

“I … my sister… she used to make this for me when I was sick."

Joon wishes he could bring the smile back to Sanghyun's face. "Now you're making it for me. Thank you."

He is rewarded with a small smile as Sanghyun looks back at him. "You're welcome."

Joon drinks the rest of the soup while watching Sanghyun preparing to leave.

"I'm probably going to be around two hours. So…" Sanghyun shifts, eyes darting to Joon and away.

"I promise not to run away with your stuff or anything. I doubt I can get far anyway," Joon says, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice and failing.

Sanghyun's eyes fix on him in surprise. "That's not what… I'm just… if your fever comes back-"

Joon ducks his head. He's never known someone like Sanghyun and realises his experiences are woefully lacking when it comes to understanding him.

"I've put the advil next to the water, okay?" Sanghyun's voice is soft, not angry as Joon expected. "If you feel the fever coming back, take it. I'll come back as soon as I can."

"Sanghyun." Joon dares to look up just as Sanghyun is about to step outside. "Thank you." 

Sanghyun smiles. "Get some rest. I'll see you soon." 

Joon decides to wash the soup bowl for Sanghyun. He stands up carefully, taking a moment to breathe and ensure he isn't going to fall on his face. The burning on his shoulder has dimmed down to a slow simmer, and it complains at him as he walks. But he decides to ignore it. He puts the bowl in the sink, breaking in to a helpless smile at the row of pot plants lining the window sill above the sink. He can imagine Sanghyun watching them grow everyday with fond eyes. He washes the bowl and puts it with all the other washed dishes. He notices a world map with a row of little green flags pinned to the edge. The only flag on the map itself, Joon peers closely at the map, is pinned to Jeju island. Joon wonders if Sanghyun wants to go there or he has already been. Joon himself has never travelled outside the country. Never had the need to, except for those times when he'd wanted to run. Disappear. Just forget he ever existed in this place. He'd always thought Australia would be a good place. Such a big country. No one would ever find him there.   
He makes his way to the couch slowly and sits down, picking up the controller for the TV off the coffee table and switching it on. He laughs slightly to himself when he is greeted with static on all channels. He switches the TV off and leans back on the couch, shifting a little to look at the guitar resting against the side of the couch. He runs his fingers over the strings. He imagines Sanghyun sitting on the couch, playing the guitar, making music for no one else to hear. He wonders why Sanghyun is living all the way out here. Whatever had made Sanghyun decide to be here, Joon decides that he is grateful. He would be dead otherwise.

\---

Joon has fallen asleep on the couch when Sanghyun stumbles in through the door, balancing too many bags in both hands. He pauses for a moment, watches Joon curled up on his couch for any signs that the fever had come back. But there are no tremors and the advil tablets lie untouched beside the bedside table. He sets the bags down on the kitchen table and rolls his shoulders in relief.   
Joon's eyes are open when Sanghyun turns back. 

"I think your couch hates me," Joon mutters, stretching his neck back. Sanghyun laughs.

"It hates everyone."

Joon smiles and looks up at all the bags on the table. "You carried all those?"

Sanghyun looks at the bags and blinks at Joon. "Yeah?" he ventures.

"Next time, I'm coming with you okay?" 

Sanghyun stares at Joon for a long moment. "It's not so bad," he says finally.

Joon shakes his head. "No way! If I'm staying with you, you should totally make me do all the crappy jobs," Joon promises with a bright smile.

"You should be careful with promises like that. I might actually hold you to it."

Joon grins. "You should."

"Here, I got you some things," Sanghyun offers, handing over the bag of things he'd gotten for Joon. Joon looks at it wide eyed.

"What is it?"

Sanghyun shrugs. "I know you don't have any clothes," he trails off as Joon looks in the bag.

"You brought me clothes?" Joon asks incredulously. Sanghyun scratches the back of his head with a hand. "I thought you might get sick of wearing the same thing every day." Sanghyun swears he can see tears in Joon's eyes before he ducks his head, hair falling into his face and obscuring his eyes.

"I don't know why you…" Joon whispers, almost too quietly for Sanghyun to hear so he leans closer.

"However it happened, you're in my life now. And this might be selfish," Sanghyun reaches out and touches Joon's knee tentatively. "But I'm glad you're here."

Joon looks up at him and his eyes are wet. But he is smiling. "I'm glad I'm here too."

Sanghyun smiles and stands up. "Do you want to go clean up before I make lunch?"

Joon nods.

"Come on then." Sanghyun reaches a hand down for Joon, who takes it without hesitation and lets him pull him up to his feet.

\---

Joon sits still under his hands as Sanghyun slowly unravels the dressing from the wound on his shoulder. 

"It looks like its healing," Sanghyun says a little doubtfully, trying not to look too closely at the angry red wound on Joon's shoulder.   
Joon is sitting on top of the toilet with the lid down. "It's because you did such a great job patching me up," he says, looking up at Sanghyun with sincere eyes.  
"That could have gone either way. You could have easily lost an arm because of me." Sanghyun rewraps the wound with new adhesive, trying hard not to gape at the myriad of scars on Joon's upper body, the jagged white scar running down his ribs and the scatter of circular white scars on his chest that looks suspiciously like cigarette burns. But the scars don't really distract him from noticing how Joon's body is really sort of perfect, all lean lines and smooth skin. He cuts the tape and pats it down to stick on over the layers below. He steps back when he is sure the bandages wouldn't fall apart. 

"There, it's done," he says, having to clear his throat twice before speaking. He rushes out of the bathroom under the excuse of making lunch, leaving Joon to finish up.

He doesn't know if it's welcome, this rapid beating of his heart, this tightening of his chest when Joon smiles. He leans against the counter and sighs. He is finally starting to beat the eggs he needs to make the giant omelette he'd decided to make for lunch when Joon walks out of the bathroom. He is pulling at the button up shirt with a frown.

"I don't think I did this right," he says, looking up at Sanghyun with a helpless smile. Sanghyun can't help but laugh. He abandons the eggs on the counter and walks up to Joon, who has buttoned up his shirt wrong so that one side hangs lower than the other. Only when his hands are on Joon's shirt, about to undo the first button, does Sanghyun realise he'd have to undo them all to set them right. He looks at Joon, standing so still, so close. His hair is falling into his eyes and Sanghyun can see a whole spectrum of red now that he's so close. It is beautiful. He wants to run his fingers through it to see if it is as soft as it looks. He ducks his head before Joon can read any of his thoughts on his face, fingers almost stumbling on the buttons of the shirt. He straightens the shirt after the buttons are undone, adjusting the collar, all the while reminding himself to breathe. He only got the button up because he thought it would be easier for Joon than a typical t-shirt. He hadn't thought about how much trouble a shirt could be.

"Can I help with lunch?" Joon asks once Sanghyun steps back, buttons done properly, and breathing somewhat under control. Sanghyun is pretty sure he's imagining the pink on Joon's cheeks.

"Do you think you can handle a spoon?" Sanghyun asks and Joon breaks into a bright smile.

"Absolutely."

\---

The sun comes out that evening, peers through the clouds and bathes the whole junk yard in gold. The tall stacks of packed cars cast long shadows along the ground and it's a day, Sanghyun knows, that will become rarer and rarer as they go further into winter. So he makes some hot chocolate, bundles Joon in a blanket and comes out to the veranda at the back of the caravan. Joon claims a spot on his rickety couch, folding his legs under him and reaches out for one of the steaming mugs in Sanghyun's hands.

He hands it over as he sits down beside Joon. 

"Is this what you do? Sit here with your guitar and watch the sunset?" Joon asks, looking over at him with bright eyes.  
Sanghyun looks away from the sunlight reflecting off puddles of water in the back yard and shrugs at Joon.

"Can I hear?"

"Hear what?" Sanghyun asks, slightly confused as he takes a sip of his chocolate. 

"Your guitar."

Sanghyun looks away. Only Seungho has ever heard him play. Because Seungho had been the one to get him to start playing. Seungho thought it would help him, hoped it would save him. Joon's smile fades as he watches him.

"You don't have to. I just thought… it would have been nice to hear you play," he says softly.

Sanghyun stands up, heading back in for the guitar. Joon clasps a hand around his wrist as he passes. "Sanghyun…"

Sanghyun smiles. "It's okay. I want to play for you."

Joon's face brightens and Sanghyun pulls his hand away to head inside. He picks up his guitar and holds it in his hands. He hadn't cared for it at all when Seungho had first given it to him. But then Seungho had sat down with him and showed him how to tell the bridge from the frets and had been with him every week as he learnt his first song.  
He remembers when he had first played a song for Seungho. He'd been so nervous, hoping his sweaty fingers wouldn't slip on the strings. Seungho had been so happy and Sanghyun hadn't thought twice about leaning across the couch and kissing him. Sanghyun can still feel the sinking feeling when Seungho had gently pushed him away. Seungho had been so kind. He's always been so kind. Sanghyun is so incredibly lucky to have him in his life. So lucky Seungho still wanted to be in his' after that.  
They had never talked about that night again. Sanghyun let his feelings subside until he has reached a point now that he wonders sometimes that he wanted to kiss him at all. 

Joon's empty cup is sitting on the floor when Sanghyun returns.

"Did you know," Joon looks at him as he sits down on the couch beside him. "It's really quiet here," Joon informs him in a hushed voice.

Sanghyun laughs quietly. "Yeah. I noticed that."

"There's like no noise, no cars, no people. It's like we're the only people in the world."

"Maybe we are," Sanghyun agrees softly, adjusting the tuning pegs on the guitar.

"Just you and me?"

"Yeah. Maybe the whole world belongs to us and we can do whatever we want." And the world can't touch them here. 

"Go wherever we want too?"

Sanghyun looks up at the hopefulness in Joon's voice but his eyes are fixed somewhere beyond the setting sun.

"Go anywhere we want," Sanghyun agrees.

Joon looks at him, lips curved up at the ends. Not the bright smile, the one that blinds, but softer and it fills Sanghyun's heart to look at him.

"I'd like that. I like your world."

Sanghyun strums a few notes. "I like it too," he murmurs and begins to play.

 

***


	4. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He isn't sure if he's being brave or the reason this feels so easy is because he is being a coward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story inspired by 'This is war' MV by MBLAQ. Be warned that although not in this chapter, archive warnings will become applicable to future chapters.

"Then why did you have a whole bottle of vodka if you're allergic?" Joon asks, eyes wide with surprise at Sanghyun's revelation. Sanghyun shrugs. Joon had discovered a pack of cards under the coffee table and here they are. Sanghyun, leaning back against wall on the bed and Joon sitting cross-legged infront of him, holding a bunch of cards in his good hand. Joon has won every single round so far and Sanghyun is sure he's cheating somehow. He's just never been good at cards to know how he might be doing it.

 

"It's for Seungho when he visits," he explains, peering at his cards and wondering if they're any good. He sees Joon's eyes flicker to the calendar hanging next to his world map. Seungho's birthday is marked in huge letters that takes up almost the whole month of October. Seungho had been so proud of his handiwork but Sanghyun doesn't mind. It still leaves the other eleven months of the year empty.

 

"He's your best friend?" Joon asks, curiously.

 

"He's my only friend really." Seungho had been the only one who had refused to let go.

 

"Now you've got me too,'" Joon says, after a long silence, which Sanghyun spends staring at his cards. Sanghyun looks up, surprised at Joon’s words. Joon smiles at him.

 

"I win!" Joon spreads his cards and Sanghyun is still staring at him to care that he lost again.

 

He hid himself away from the world. Prepared to have his solitary life with occasional interludes by Seungho. He'd been happy with that. It was a good plan. Atleast it had been. Until Joon turned up, bleeding to death on his door step. And now, here he is, a sweet smile on his face, making promises that Sanghyun believes almost helplessly. But he isn't sure if he's being brave or the reason this feels so easy is because he is being a coward.

 

\---

 

He wakes up, his neck complaining painfully, to realise that he had fallen asleep on the bed. And Joon is curled up beside him, head resting on Sanghyun's stomach. The cards had been packed and put away in its box and the lights are off.  Joon looks uncomfortable sleeping like that. His bad shoulder shouldn't be bearing any weight yet. He tries to shift, to get off the bed so Joon can sleep properly. But the moment he shifts, Joon mutters his protest and curls up tighter.

 

"'m sleeping, Cheolyong."

 

Sanghyun stills, looking down at Joon. That name again.

 

Cheolyong.

 

He wonders what it means that someone who claims to have no one calls out a single name so easily.

 

Now you have me too, Joon had said.

 

Getting off the bed without waking Joon would be impossible. Sanghyun decides, because he's sleepy and Joon needs his rest, to simply sleep on the bed. It's not too long until morning and they should be fine sharing the bed, it's definitely big enough. So he slides down a little, bending his knees slightly so as not to disturb Joon, and pulls up the blankets to cover them both. He falls asleep, hoping his neck will forgive him for torturing it like this and thinking about the warmth of Joon's by his side.

 

\---

 

"Who is Cheolyong?" he asks during breakfast. Joon freezes.

 

"How do you-?"

 

"You said his name in your sleep last night," he answers, eyes on his eggs, "And that night when you were feverish."

 

Joon stabs the fork at his eggs but says nothing.

 

"Is he-?"

 

"He's better off without me," Joon cuts in, voice so low that Sanghyun barely hears him. "Do you want me to leave? Is that why-" Joon cries suddenly, head snapping up.

 

"No!" The word bursts out of Sanghyun before Joon finishes and he realises he's gripping Joon's forearm with his hand. He relaxes his grip but doesn't let go. "No," he says more quietly. "I just thought if he cares about you as much you care for him...then maybe he misses you too."

 

Joon stares at him unblinkingly for a moment before breaking into a wide smile. "He'd like you," he says, good hand coming to rest on Sanghyun's. "He really would. But I…" Joon sighs and leans back in his chair. "My life was complicated before I met you. Cheolyong was the one person who made it bearable. He made it seem okay to open my eyes in the morning. You and him," Joon looks at him with soft eyes, "you make it so easy to be alive."

 

Sanghyun doesn't say anything, not even when Joon links their hands together in his lap.

 

"But I can't go back. I hate myself for it but I can't." Joon takes a shuddering breath and Sanghyun grips his hand tighter and holds on.

 

\---

 

Sanghyun explains the flag on Jeju island to him later. He'd asked while trying to dismantle Sanghyun's old TV to which Sanghyun had given him permission with a slightly doubtful look in his eyes.

 

"I've always wanted to go to Jeju island," Sanghyun answers, looking surprised that Joon had asked.

 

"Why?" Joon asks curiously, trying to figure out how to take off the back of the TV without completely destroying the whole thing.

 

"My parents used to talk about it," Sanghyun says quietly, almost wistfully, pausing from stirring their dinner and looking up at him. "It sounded beautiful. I'd like to see it one day."

 

Joon looks at him. This is the first time Sanghyun has said anything about his family, mentioned anyone besides Seungho.

 

"I've never been," Joon says, playing with a screwdriver that he thinks might do the job. Sanghyun smiles.

 

"Do you want to go?"

 

Sanghyun is looking at him, dark hair messy around his face, waiting for his answer.

 

"With you?"

 

Sanghyun shrugs. Joon can't help but smile. "Yes." Sanghyun breaks into a soft smile.

 

"Okay," Sanghyun says, "But you have to pay your own way. I'm saving up but I'm not even half way."

 

Joon stands up and walks over to Sanghyun, who puts down the spoon and turns to face him.

 

"Are you sure you want me to come and ruin your holiday?" he asks, keeping himself back from reaching out to touch Sanghyun's hair. It really does look like it has a life of its own. Sanghyun's eyes flicker away from his', out the window to the piles of cars outside.

 

"If I go, it wouldn't be for a holiday. If I go, I'm not coming back."

 

Joon touches his good shoulder to Sanghyun's. Maybe they aren't so different.

 

"We can start a farm!" Joon offers enthusiastically. Sanghyun laughs and turns to him.

 

"I don't know anything about farming."

 

Joon's smile fades just a little. "We can learn," he says and purposefully steers his mind away from broken promises.

 

***


	5. Truth I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the first time in a very long time, Park Sanghyun is glad to be alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story inspired by 'This is war' MV by MBLAQ.

Joon is half way through dismantling the TV when they hear a car pulling up outside. Sanghyun's head snaps up at the sound.

 

"Oh no! I forgot!" Sanghyun exclaims, scrambling up to his feet. Joon looks up at him curiously.

 

"I didn't tell him about you!"

 

Joon looks out the window. He can see the car door open but not who gets out of the car. "Who?"

 

Sanghyun, who is already at the door, looks back at him. "Seungho," he says before stepping out the door.

 

Sanghyun doesn't close the door completely and Joon sits still as snatches of conversation float into the caravan from the outside. He can hear Sanghyun's voice, soft and familiar, and another voice, deep and unknown to him. Long moments pass when all he can hear are the indistinct murmurs of conversation and then -

 

"What are you thinking, Sanghyun?" Seungho's deep voice rises in concern. Joon doesn't hear Sanghyun's reply. He realises he is sitting at the edge of the couch, pieces of the dismantled TV on the coffee table infront of him.

 

"I don't care about any of that, Sanghyun. I don't like this at all!"

 

Joon grips the couch with white knuckled hands. He'd known this could not last. He should have known he was not so lucky. To find someone like Sanghyun. He'd been extremely fortunate to have found him at all. He really shouldn't ask for more than what he's been given. Then he hears Sanghyun's voice.

 

"It's my life, Seungho. Joon is a part of it now."

 

Joon doesn't realise when he stands up or when he moves to the door. He stands just behind it, waiting for his breathing to slow down, for his eyes to stop stinging and his heart to quieten its joy.

 

"What do you think is going to happen, Sanghyun? He didn't fall out of the sky. He's going to leave eventually."

 

Joon pulls the door open without a second thought and it's only later that he thinks maybe he should have waited for Sanghyun's answer. He opens the door to tell Seungho to shove it because he has no intention of leaving. But then Sanghyun is looking up at him in surprise and there is a stranger standing beside him with a hand on Sanghyun's shoulder.

 

"Joon," Sanghyun starts, about to move towards him when Seungho steps forward. He is shorter than Sanghyun, which means he's shorter than Joon himself except it is not so obvious with his strong build.

 

"Joon," Seungho says, eyes fixed on him. "I'm Seungho. Let's talk."

 

\---

 

Joon finds himself trailing after Seungho as he leads him around the tall mounds of useless cars.

 

"Who are you?" Seungho asks, turning to him with narrowed eyes, once they are far enough from Sanghyun's caravan.

 

"I-"

 

"Listen," Seungho cuts him off. "Sanghyun might not care about what kind of people he lets into his house. He's always trusted people too easily. But I care. You turn up on his door step with a bullet wound? That’s enough to tell me you're mixed up with people I never want anywhere near Sanghyun."

 

"I don't-"

 

"Shut up," Seungho snaps. "I don't know why Sanghyun likes you so much and no matter how much I might want to, I can't force him to turn you out. So," Seungho takes a step forward and Joon clenches his fists and stands perfectly still. "If you bring any trouble to his door, if he gets hurt in anyway because of you, I will hunt you down and kill you. Do you understand me?"

 

"If I was a danger to Sanghyun, I'd kill me myself," Joon says and Seungho looks taken aback for a moment. Then he laughs.

"I'm glad to hear that," Seungho says, voice gentler than before. "I hope you know what a big thing this is for Sanghyun to let you into his life. Don't let him down."

 

Joon decides maybe Seungho is okay after all.

 

"I won't."

 

\---

 

Dinner is a less awkward an affair than he expects. Seungho had brought cartons of take away that Sanghyun greets with much delight and puts away the soup he'd made for tomorrow, much to Joon's disappointment. They sit around the small dining table and Joon forks rice into his mouth absently as he watches Seungho joking with Sanghyun, one arm casually flung around Sanghyun's shoulders. Joon hasn't see Sanghyun smile so much since he woke up with Sanghyun's worried face hovering over him. He'd guessed from what Sanghyun had told him about Seungho that this is what they are to each other.

 

And even if he is glad to see Sanghyun smiling, a bright smile that makes his eyes almost disappear with joy, his heart still twists to see him leans towards Seungho so easily. He's become used having Sanghyun all to himself and Joon has never been good at sharing.

 

"You don't like the food?" Seungho asks and it takes Joon a moment to realise he's talking to him. He lifts his head and Sanghyun is looking at him worriedly.

 

"Joon, does your shoulder hurt?"

 

Joon shakes his head. "No-" he starts but Sanghyun is leaning across the table and then the back of his hand is pressing against his forehead. He looks up at Sanghyun in surprise and catches the twist of Seungho's face in the background. Sanghyun's hand is warm on his skin.

 

"You don't have a fever."

 

Joon smiles up at him. "I'm okay."

 

Sanghyun frowns. "You've barely touched your food," he says, glancing down at the plate of mostly uneaten take-away on the table.

 

"I'm just not very hungry," Joon reassures, and when Sanghyun retracts his hand, Joon misses the warmth immediately.

 

"Well I have to get going."

 

They both look over at Seungho who had gotten to his feet. "You're lucky I wasn't going to stay overnight, Sanghyun. Otherwise one of us would get murdered by your couch." His words are light but Joon sees the tight expression on his face as he pulls on his jacket.

 

"You're not going to stay?" Sanghyun asks, moving away from Joon towards Seungho. Seungho smiles, reaching out to ruffle Sanghyun's hair.

 

"I'm sorry, Sanghyun. But business waits for no man and I doubt you'll miss me much anyway," Seungho says, with a pointed look at Joon. Joon meets his eyes evenly while Sanghyun tries to pet down his ruffled hair.

 

"Of course I'll miss you. I always do," Sanghyun says softly and Joon sees Seungho's face brighten up into a smile.

 

"I'll see you later, Sanghyun." Seungho pulls Sanghyun in for a hug, holding Joon's eyes over Sanghyun's shoulder.

 

"Goodbye, Joon," Seungho calls, letting go of Sanghyun and opening the door. "Take care of my Sanghyun for me." He leaves without waiting for an answer.

 

Sanghyun follows him out but not before Joon sees the pink on his cheeks.

 

\---

 

"Do you like him?"

 

Sanghyun looks up at Joon, not really surprised. Joon had been a little quieter and a whole lot sullen since Seungho left.

 

"Of course I like him, he's my-"

 

"Do you like him more than a friend?" Joon asks, looking up at him from where he is sitting on the floor with Sanghyun's TV littered around him.

 

"I really don't think-"

 

Joon laughs mirthlessly, looking back down at the floor. "You do right? That’s why you can't answer the question?"

 

Sanghyun remembers the kiss, Seungho warm and still beside him. The gentleness of his hands as they pushed him away.

 

"He doesn't like me that way."

 

Joon stands up. "But you do?"

 

Sanghyun looks away. "I did. Along time ago."  He looks back up at Joon. "Why are you asking me this?"

 

Joon steps closer. "He said 'my Sanghyun'."

 

Sanghyun feels his eyes widen and stands perfectly still when Joon's good hand reaches out to touch his face with gentle fingers. Sanghyun can feel can feel Joon's hand trembling just a little. "I know I probably don't have any right to say this." Joon is so, so warm and so close. Sanghyun barely dares to breathe. "I don't want you to be his."

 

Sanghyun catches Joon's hand in his' and holds it between them, tracing the lines on his palm. There are small white scars, scattered over the skin.

 

"Did you fall out of the sky?" he asks and Joon curls his fingers around his' and smiles.

 

"Yes."

 

"Do you know why I'm here?" Sanghyun asks, lifting his head. "Why I choose to be alone?"

 

Joon shakes his head, hair brushing over Sanghyun's face and drops his head to the curve of Sanghyun's shoulder. Sanghyun wraps his arms around him and breathes him in.

"I lost people. People I loved most in the world. And I couldn't live with it. It's been years and there are still days that I -" he feels strangely breathless. He had never spoken like this. Not even to Seungho, who had been there before everything and Sanghyun had never needed to explain. Even if he had wanted to. His scars brush over the back of Joon's shirt and he leans his head over Joon's. "-days that I ask myself why I'm still alive."

He feels it, the shock stiffening Joon's body as he draws back and catches Sanghyun's wrists in his hands. Sanghyun knows Joon must have seen them, the scars on his wrists. But he is still surprised when Joon's fingers feather over his wrists. He stands absolutely still as Joon bends down to press his lips to his wrists. He feels the tears on his skin before he sees the trails shining on Joon's face as he sits up. No one has ever touched his scars before. Seungho always pretended he couldn't see them. Sanghyun knows why though. He understands that he hurt Seungho unbearably, even if Seungho had never blamed him.

 

"You're so stupid!" Joon yells suddenly, gripping Sanghyun's hands tightly in his'. "If you hadn't been here, then what would have happened to me?"

 

Sanghyun stares. Then he laughs. Joon narrows his eyes at him and Sanghyun leans forward until their foreheads are touching. Joon doesn't move away and doesn't let go of Sanghyun's hands.

 

"I'm still here," Sanghyun whispers. He is. Even if sometimes he doesn't want to be. "So are you."

 

Joon's grip around his wrists loosens and Sanghyun sees his eyes flutter close. "Don't go anywhere."

 

Sanghyun takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. "I won't."

 

For the first time in a very long time, Park Sanghyun is glad to be alive.

 

***

 

 


	6. Ghosts I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cheolyong finds him at the grocery store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story inspired by 'This is war' MV by MBLAQ.

"I never knew my parents," Joon tells him one night. They are sitting up on the roof because Joon wants to see the stars and the nights aren't so cold anymore. Sanghyun didn't ask. Would never have asked. But Joon offers anyway.

"I grew up in the orphanage. Me and a hundred other kids. I was lucky though. I had Cheolyong. He was like my shadow, you know, followed me everywhere. He was a cute kid, would have gotten adopted too...if it wasn't for me. He didn't want to leave me so he got in to trouble. No one wants a kid with problems, no matter how much they say they want to help. Anyways, we aged out. And then we were on the streets. The streets were…" Joon laughs mirthlessly, and doesn't meet his eyes when Sanghyun looks at him, startled at the harshness of the sound.

 

Sanghyun traces his fingers over Joon's palm, scattered with little white scars, skin knitting together in tiny ridges. "We were hungry," Joon says, watching Sanghyun's fingers play over his skin. "Cheolyong was starving. Seemed easy to just break the glass, you know? Why would they put it at the window if they didn't want anyone to take it?" Joon really sounds curious and just a little sad but Sanghyun has no answer for him. Instead he knits their fingers tightly together and wonders about fate that had brought two orphans together under the stars like this. He wonders about Cheolyong and what had become of him. He doesn't ask because he doesn't want to remind Joon of more pain, in case…

Just in case.

He wishes he could meet Joon's Cheolyong though. The boy who hadn't left Joon's side, even with the promise of a better life. Who had dared winter on the streets for Joon.

Joon tilts his head slightly to look at him.

"It's not all a sad story though… it's not all bad," Joon smiles, "You found me after all."

Sanghyun can't help the blush but doubts Joon can see it in the dark.

"Maybe you found me," Sanghyun says, looking up at the stars, wondering which of them he should thank for Joon. "I live in the middle of nowhere and you still turned up at my door step."

Joon grins, slightly lopsided and so much more brighter than the stars Sanghyun had been looking at a moment ago and leans forward to kiss him.

 

\---

 

It has been a long time since Sanghyun had felt so strongly, like the world truly had narrowed down to the two of them in this caravan. He leans forward and touches his lips to Joon's, who stands utterly still for the barest of moments before drawing Sanghyun closer with his good hand gripped in his jumper. Sanghyun threads both hands in Joon's hair and deepens the kiss. If the world ended now, Sanghyun thinks fleetingly as he pushes Joon back towards the wall, he would not know or care. All he knows now, all he can feel is the heat of Joon's warmth and the feel of him against him. Then Joon gasps, not in pleasure but clearly in pain. Sanghyun pulls back immediately.

"What-" he begins but stops when he realises he'd driven Joon into the wall and his injured shoulder had just connected hard with it. "Oh god! I'm sorry," he cries, starting to draw back but Joon keeps a hold of him with his good hand.

"No, it's okay. It doesn't hurt," Joon says unconvincingly.

 

Sanghyun laughs. "That doesn't really help, you know."

 

Joon smiles, less painfully this time and leans closer to kiss him again. "Really, I'm okay," he grins. "More than okay."

 

\---

 

Cheolyong finds him at the grocery store. He's trailing behind Sanghyun, who is picking out eggplant, 'for a healthier diet' Sanghyun had promised, when he chances to turn his head towards the shop front. And there, that unmistakable blond head, that characteristic tilt of the head and a face as familiar to Joon as his own. Cheolyong is staring at him with wide eyes, mouth open in shock. Joon looks back at Sanghyun who seems oblivious, happily picking out eggplant.

 

"I'm just gonna go outside, okay," he says and Sanghyun looks at him with worried eyes.

 

"Joon?"

 

"I'm okay," he reassures him, "Just need some air, that's all."

 

"Joonie!" Cheolyong cries when Joon catches him by the elbow and drags him outside.

 

Joon drops the bags in his hands and crushes Cheolyong to his chest. He smells so familiar, feels so familiar that Joon feels tears stinging at his eyes. He feels Cheolyong's hands holding him just as close, murmuring his name over and over under his breath.

 

"Joonie. Joonie. Joonie…"

 

Joon kisses his hair and pulls back just a little.

 

Now that Joon gets a closer look at him, Cheolyong seems skinnier than the last time Joon had seen him, dark circles under his eyes and drawn out.

 

"What are you doing here?" he asks, tracing a finger under Cheolyong's right eye.

 

Cheolyong looks at him as if he is an idiot.

 

"What do you think I'm doing? I've been looking for you for a month. Byunghee barely told me anything, just said he took care of it.  I thought you were dead!" Cheolyong yells, voice almost breaking at the end. "What happened? Why didn't you come back?" 

 

"I got shot."

 

Cheolyong stares. "What?"

 

"That stupid bastard was high, thought I was there to steal his fortune or something."

 

Cheolyong's eyes widen in shock. "He shot you?" Cheolyong's frantic eyes roam over him. "Are you okay? Did you lose a lung?"

 

Joon laughs and rubs at his shoulder where the bullet had hit. "I'm okay. Lucky the bastard could barely see in the dark."

 

"I'll kill him! I'll fucking kill him. We'll tell Byunghee when we get back and we can kill him together!"

 

Joon's heart twists. "Cheolyong… I'm not coming back."

 

It surprises Joon that Cheolyong doesn't yell, doesn't hit him or scream. He just looks at him. And for some reason Joon feels even worse.

 

"Because of him?" Cheolyong asks finally, nodding his head towards the grocery store where Sanghyun is picking out their weekly groceries.

 

"Cheolyong…"

 

"What about me?" Cheolyong asks, voice quiet like he rarely is. "Do you know how much… this past month, I've never been so scared in my life!" Cheolyong steps back, out of Joon's reach. Joon feels incredibly small under that gaze.

 

"You know I love you, right?"

 

Cheolyong's face twists. "But you still won't come back?"

 

"I don't want that life anymore," Joon whispers. "Cheolyong-"

 

"Shut up!" Cheolyong snaps. His eyes are shining with tears and any other time he would be the first person Cheolyong would come to when he was hurt. They would wake up, tangled together and Cheolyong would smile at him the first thing in the morning and Joon's day would start out perfect. Now he watches as Cheolyong takes another step back, away from him.

 

"You're a liar," Cheolyong says, turning away from him and Joon feels the words whip across his heart.

 

\---

 

_Joon blinks awake when he hears the footsteps tiptoeing into his room. He sits up immediately, reaching out to switch on the light. Cheolyong is standing in the middle of the room. Joon is off the bed in a heartbeat, gathering Cheolyong in his arms and peering at his face. There is blood on his face, smeared from a cut on his lower lip. Joon gently wipes it away with a thumb._

_"Cheolyong?"_

_Cheolyong's breath hitches and Joon holds him close when Cheolyong buries his face in the crook of Joon's shoulder. Cheolyong is trembling slightly in his arms and Joon futilely wishes he could kill whoever had dared hurt his Cheolyong. Instead, he lifts Cheolyong into his arms and carries him to the bed. Cheolyong clings to him when he sets him down and Joon lies down beside him, gathering Cheolyong close._

_"Don't leave," Cheolyong gasps into Joon's skin. "Don't leave me."_

_Joon presses his lips to Cheolyong's golden hair. "I'm not going anywhere ," he promises and grits his teeth when he feels Cheolyong's tears warm on his skin. "I won't leave you, Cheolyong."_

_Cheolyong falls asleep sometime later and Joon sits up to pull his shoes off and draw the blankets over them both. When he lies back down, Cheolyong immediately curl into him._

_"Joonie?" Cheolyong whispers sleepily. Joon runs a hand through Cheolyong's hair and closes his eyes to the familiar scent of Cheolyong's shampoo._

_"Yeah?"_

_“It’s worth it, right?” Cheolyong asks quietly, voice drifting with sleep._

_Joon had thought so. To be off the streets. But he isn’t so sure anymore. He presses his lips to Cheolyong’s hair and stays quiet._

_“Joonie,” Cheolyong says again. "Love you."_

_Joon smiles. "Love you too, Cheolyong. Go to sleep."_

 

\---

 

Sanghyun finds Joon sitting on a bench on the side walk, their bags clustered at his feet. His eyes are fixed on a point down the street and he doesn't even blink when Sanghyun passes into his field of vision.

 

"Joon," he tries softly. When Joon lifts his head, his eyes take a moment longer to focus on him.

 

"Sanghyun?" Joon's voice is so small and he's frowning slightly. Sanghyun drops to his knees infront of Joon, knees hitting the pavement and sending stabs of pain up his legs that he ignores.

 

"What's wrong?" he asks, reaching out for Joon's hands.

 

Joon's eyes fill with tears and Sanghyun feels his heart tighten in his chest.

 

"You shouldn't care about me. You should tell me to go and never come back!" Joon tries to pull his hands back but Sanghyun holds on, tightening his grip on Joon's long fingered hands. "You should tell me to go. I can't…" Joon looks at him pleadingly. "I can't do it on my own."

 

Sanghyun lets go of Joon's hands and reaches up to cradle his face in his hands.

 

"Joon, listen," he says softly, "It has been a long time since I've been happy." His fingers caress gently over Joon's cheeks. "I didn't think I'd find it again. Didn't think I'd want to. But then you came into my life and in the past few weeks I've realised how much I would have lost if I hadn't met you." He leans up and presses his lips softly against Joon's. "Whatever brought you to me, whatever your life was before I met you, I'm glad you're in my life, Lee Joon. Asking you to go would be like throwing my heart away. I can't do it. Please don't ask me."

 

Joon breaks into a smile then, sweet and breathtaking. He kisses Sanghyun on the lips, cheeks, forehead and nose.

 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he whispers, "I won't ask you."

 

Joon threads their fingers together on their way to Sanghyun's truck. Sanghyun takes a sidelong glance at him. Joon is looking straight ahead but Sanghyun can see the upward curl of his lips. But he knows if he looked close enough, he'd see the dried tear tracks on Joon's face and wonders who it was that could affect Joon like that. If that golden haired stranger was the one person Joon had ever mentioned of his past life.

 

Cheolyong.

 

***


	7. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cheolyong had come for Joon. How could he turn away the only person Joon called for in his dreams?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story inspired by 'This is war' MV by MBLAQ.

Two days later, Sanghyun is walking back to the caravan, making his way around one of many sky high packs of dead cars, when something suddenly knocks him sideways. He hits the cars hard, pain stabbing through his shoulder. Before he can gasp for breath, there is something cold and sharp pressed against his throat. He looks up to meet narrowed dark eyes and blond hair hovering behind it.

 

"Cheolyong."

 

The dark eyes narrow even further, confirming Sanghyun's suspicions. 

 

"How do you know?" Cheolyong's voice is higher than Sanghyun had expected. He seems younger than he expected too.

 

"I saw you that day outside the grocery store." Walking away with tense shoulders, leaving Joon behind in tears.

 

"He told you?"

 

"No." Sanghyun stops himself from shaking his head, the knife hasn't lessened the pressure on his neck. Cheolyong frowns.

 

"He won't come back because of you!" Cheolyong accuses.

 

"No. Not because of me," Sanghyun says softly, trying to keep his breathing shallow. "Because of him."

 

Cheolyong presses closer, knife digging deeper and Sanghyun feels the first prick of pain.

 

"Let him go," Cheolyong continues as if Sanghyun hadn't spoken. "He was mine first and I love him best so just-" Cheolyong drops the knife and pushes Sanghyun back, running a shaky hand through his hair.

 

"I always wondered who you were," Sanghyun says, rubbing a hand over his neck. "The name he always calls out for in his sleep. Wondered who could imprint themselves so strongly into his mind." His fingers come away clean.

 

Cheolyong looks at him, the expression on his face if the first vulnerable one Sanghyun has seen. Sanghyun notices the dark circles under his eyes and wonders if his nights have been plagued by nightmares too and if he calls out for Joon in his sleep like Joon calls for him. And wonders what he is doing in the middle of their story.

 

"He always said he wanted to leave," Cheolyong says quietly. "I just didn't think he'd actually do it."

 

"Cheolyong…"

 

Cheolyong looks up at him. "Is he happy here?"

 

Sanghyun thinks of Joon, smiling up at him in the kitchen, reaching for his hand with almost a shy expression on his face, calling out for Cheolyong in the desperate nightmares of his sleep. He doesn't know how Joon was in his life before Sanghyun, doesn't know what made him happy or how he would have smiled when he was happy. But he knows Joon now.

 

"Yes."

 

Cheolyong nods slowly. "Does he… does he miss me?" he asks, voice so low that Sanghyun almost doesn't hear him. Cheolyong is carefully looking away from him, waiting breathlessly for his answer. He can see why Joon loves him, this golden haired boy who wears his heart out so openly. Who had followed Joon anywhere and everywhere.

 

"Desperately."

 

Cheolyong exhales slowly and Sanghyun watches as his knees fold under him and Cheolyong drops wordlessly to the ground. For a moment Sanghyun thinks he’s fainted and he rushes forward, kneeling infront of Cheolyong and tentatively reaching out a hand. But Cheolyong looks up at him then, golden hair half obscuring his eyes. Sanghyun sees the tears glistening on his cheeks and makes a decision.

 

\---

 

Sanghyun opens the door and Joon looks up at him with a smile. He is still working on that TV, although Sanghyun has given up all hope on it. The smile freezes on his face when he sees who enters the caravan after Sanghyun. Sanghyun beckons Cheolyong in and closes the door. Winter hasn’t fully let go yet and the power bill is already high enough. Cheolyong sticks close to him as Joon stares unblinkingly at him, before looking back at Sanghyun.

 

"What-?"

 

"Do you really want to leave your past behind?" Sanghyun asks softly. Joon's eyes flicker to Cheolyong, who looks away. Sanghyun is close enough to see the tears shining in his eyes. Joon slowly gets to his feet.

 

"I don't want to go back," Joon whispers. "Cheolyong, please don't ask me to come back."

 

"You stupid bastard!" Cheolyong shouts. "Do you really think I want you to come back?"

 

Sanghyun watches them, feeling almost invisible.

 

"What?" Joon gasps and Cheolyong's shoulders slump.

 

"Do you really think I want you to come back to that place? Don't come back! Don't even think about it!" Cheolyong snaps.

 

Joon is staring wide eyed at Cheolyong and Sanghyun takes a small step back.

 

"Just don't let Byunghee find you okay, he'll make you come back." Tears are running freely down Cheolyong's face now and Joon jumps over the coffee table to fold him in his arms. Cheolyong tries, half-heartedly, to push him back but Joon only holds him closer. Sanghyun tries to quietly make his way out the door to give them some space. It had been nice, this month he had with Joon. Seungho had been right though, it was too good to last and looking at Joon and Cheolyong now, he knows he'd never be able to come between them. His fingers tighten on the door knob, about to harden his heart against the inevitable pain when he feels a hand close around his wrist. His head snaps up to find Joon looking back at him, one arm wrapped around Cheolyong and the other holding on to him.

 

"Don't go," Joon says softly and Cheolyong lifts his face from Joon's shoulder, to look at him.

 

"Joon…" Joon is kind, Sanghyun knows. He doesn't want Joon to be kind right now.

 

"Stay," Cheolyong adds and holds out his hand. Sanghyun looks at the outstretched hand. Cheolyong smiles when he finally grasps his hand, bright and all the more beautiful for the tears shining on his cheeks.

 

They stand like that for a long moment. Sanghyun feeling like he's part of something so much bigger than him, that the two people holding onto him are going to change his life.

 

Then Cheolyong's stomach growls and breaks the moment. Joon laughs and Cheolyong blushes crimson.

 

"Shut up, man!" Cheolyong yells, pushing at him. "I haven't eaten all day."

 

Sanghyun smiles and pulls his hands away. "Let's have lunch then."

 

Cheolyong is in to his second bowl of rice when he looks up at Sanghyun, looking contrite.

 

"I'm sorry I threatened you with a knife," Cheolyong murmurs apologetically, ducking his head.

 

Sanghyun is about to tell him it’s okay when Joon explodes.

 

"You did what?" Joon yells as Cheolyong covers in his seat.

 

"Joon, it's okay," Sanghyun reassures him. Cheolyong looks at him gratefully.

 

"Yeah. It wasn't even sharp."

 

Joon's eyes narrow but instead of reaching for Cheolyong, he takes Sanghyun's face in his hands instead, tilting his head back and warm fingers searching for injury. Joon draws back when he finds Sanghyun safe and glares at Cheolyong.

 

"You idiot!" Joon yells and Cheolyong leans as far back on his chair as possible.

 

"I said I was sorry," Cheolyong mutters. Joon turns his eyes on Sanghyun.

 

"And you!" he exclaims. "He held a knife to your throat and you still brought him home?" 

 

Sanghyun shrugs. Cheolyong had come for Joon. How could he turn away the only person Joon called for in his dreams?

Joon stares at him with wide eyes and looks back at Cheolyong, who looks up at him with a mouthful of rice to shrug at him. Sanghyun smiles to himself when Joon finally sighs and gets back to his food. Cheolyong meets his eyes over the table and smiles.

 

Sanghyun spends the next half hour patiently trying to answer Cheolyong's questions as he picks his way through Sanghyun’s home.

 

Do you really play the guitar? Why do you grow all these herbs? Why is your TV broken? Who's Seungho? Do you really want to go to Jeju Island? You know, I've never been there either, can I come?

 

He quietens a little when Joon pulls him down to sit by him on the couch. Sanghyun watches in amusement as Cheolyong tries to help Joon fix the TV.

 

"Don't worry, Sanghyun. We'll have it fixed in no time," Cheolyong reassures him. "I'm really good with electronics!"

Joon laughs and pushes at him.

 

They sit outside on the small veranda in the afternoon. Sanghyun with his guitar and Cheolyong wedged between him and Joon on the couch. Cheolyong falls asleep half way through the song. Sanghyun looks up when something hits his shoulder and realises it's Cheolyong's head. He meets Joon's eyes over Cheolyong's head and Joon shrugs at him with a small smile.

 

"Yeah," Joon says as Sanghyun sets the guitar down and settles Cheolyong's head more comfortably on his shoulder. "Music is usually the best way to knock him out."

 

"Then why did he…?" Cheolyong was the one who had insisted Sanghyun play. He'd practically put the guitar in his hands.

 

"He likes you." Sanghyun looks at Joon in surprise. Joon smiles. "I always knew he would."

 

Sanghyun looks down fondly at the blond head asleep on his shoulder and remembers being scared once that Cheolyong was lost to Joon. Remembers wishing he could meet this boy who would follow Joon anywhere.

 

"I'm glad," he says as Joon folds himself around Cheolyong and closes his eyes against the late afternoon sun. "I'm glad he's safe."

 

Joon smiles against Cheolyong's shoulder. "Me too."

 

When Cheolyong leaves, after he realises the time and squeaks in distress, Joon holds on to him like he's never going to let go. Cheolyong stills, burying his face in Joon's neck.

 

"Don't go," Joon whispers, arms folded tightly around Cheolyong. Sanghyun sees Cheolyong's fingers clench in Joon's shirt.

 

"I'll come back, Joonie." Sanghyun hears Cheolyong's quiet whisper as he peeks over Joon's shoulder at him. "If Sanghyun wants me back."

 

"I don't think I can keep you away even if I try," Sanghyun says with a smile and finds himself with an armful of Cheolyong.

 

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you," Cheolyong laughs and kisses Sanghyun lightly on the lips.

 

"I'll see you guys soon!" Cheolyong yells back just as he disappears around a distant mound of cars.

 

Joon reaches for his hand once Cheolyong leaves their sight. They're both still standing at the door as the day darkens.

 

"Thank you." Joon's voice is soft and when Sanghyun turns his head to look at him, he is smiling.

 

***


	8. Ghosts II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joon closes his eyes, knowing without a doubt that he has never loved anyone more than how much he loves this boy in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story inspired by 'This is war' MV by MBLAQ.

"Apparently I'm good looking so it wasn't hard, you know. Money is money however you get it."

 

Sanghyun tries not to think of all the men touching Joon, of how he'd gotten the scars on his body.

 

"Anyways, after we met Byunghee, it was better. He can be a bastard but he takes care of us. He's not even the big boss, you know. Never even met him. Never comes around. I think Byunghee made him up so he doesn't have to be the bad guy all the time," Joon laughs.

"Anyways...yeah. So that was my life before I met you." Joon sounds just a little embarrassed and Sanghyun props up on an elbow to look down at him.

 

"Who said you were good looking?" He asks and Joon bursts into relieved laughter.

 

"Hey! I've been told I'm stunning, breath taking, most handsome man to ever to grace the planet."

 

Sanghyun leans down to kiss him lightly. "Are you sure you didn't hit your head somewhere?"

 

Joon smiles up at him. And Sanghyun feels his breath catch.

 

\---

 

Cheolyong doesn't come back. Days turn into weeks and it takes exactly three weeks for Sanghyun to realise why Joon's smiles fade so quickly now and his nightmares become more persistent. Until one day Joon asks him for his phone. Sanghyun blinks at him, already reaching for the phone in his pocket.

 

"Is everything…?" he hesitates as Joon stares at the phone with a frown between his eyes.

 

"Cheolyong," Joon starts. "He hasn't," Joon looks up at Sanghyun and Sanghyun can see the worry written so clearly in his eyes. "He said he'd come back."

 

Sanghyun hands Joon his phone. It's old and probably ridiculously out dated. But it had been Seungho's idea. What if something happened? You live in the middle of nowhere!

 

"He might be busy," Sanghyun wonders quietly as Joon presses the number in.

 

"He's never been too busy for me," Joon says, perfectly seriously, as he lifts the phone to his ear.

 

\---

 

_"Come on, Joonie!" Cheolyong insists as he drags Joon forward with a firm hand wrapped around his wrist. Joon lets Cheolyong lead, happy to be out of the house for something other than business._

_"Here." Cheolyong comes to an abrupt halt under the shade of a great oak. He turns to Joon, a bright smile on his face. "This is perfect."_

_Joon fails to see any difference between this tree and all the others they passed but Cheolyong seems to like this one so he helps Cheolyong spread the picnic mat on the grass._

_"You." Cheolyong pouts at him. "Sit," he commands, pointing at the picnic mat._

_"What about-?"  Joon nods at their bags that he assumes contain their lunch._

_"I'm setting up," Cheolyong announces brightly. "It's your birthday, so just sit!"_

_Joon feels his heart swell in his chest with love and he pulls Cheolyong closer with a hand. Cheolyong tries, almost successfully to hide the wince that twists his features but Joon knows him too well. He gathers Cheolyong close gently._

_"What's wrong?"_

_Cheolyong shakes his head. "It's nothing." But he fails to meet Joon's eyes._

_"How did you get Byunghee to let us go today?" Joon asks softly._

_"It's your birthday," Cheolyong answers cheerfully. "Byunghee was feeling nice."_

_Joon frowns. Byunghee is never nice. There's always a price to pay._

_"What did you do?" Joon asks, dread pooling heavily in his chest._

_Cheolyong looks up at him. "Nothing I regret," he says softly. Joon looks down at him, breaths coming faster and lifts his hands and manages to undo the top button of Cheolyong's shirt before Cheolyong jumps back._

_"Please," Cheolyong begs. "Can we just-" He takes a deep breath and Joon knows he isn't imagining the tears in his eyes. "I just want to celebrate your birthday today."_

_"Cheolyong…"_

_Cheolyong reaches for his hand, taking it in both hands and running his fingers gently over the knuckles. "You're all I've got in this world, Joonie." Cheolyong presses his lips to the palm of Joon's hand. He looks up and the smile on his face is so tentatively hopeful that Joon closes the distance between them and kisses him softly._

_"You're all I've got too, you idiot," he murmurs against Cheolyong's lips._

_He lays Cheolyong gently down on a nondescript hotel bed that night and Cheolyong doesn't push him away when Joon unbuttons his shirt and slides it off his shoulders. His breath catches at the welts on Cheolyong's chest that he knows would curl around his back as well. Cheolyong touches his face with a gentle hand._

_"It's okay."_

_Joon kisses the bruised skin gently and Cheolyong says nothing about the tears that fall freely onto his skin and gets smeared by Joon's lips except to fasten his fingers in Joon's hair._

_He enters him as carefully as he can and tries to keep his pace as slow as possible until Cheolyong sits up and crushes their lips together._

_"I'm not made of glass," he laughs, slightly annoyed and Joon turns them over on the bed._

_"Do what you want," he says and watches Cheolyong's eyes light up with a grin._

_"Hey, Joonie," Cheolyong murmurs into his skin later, when Joon is just about to drift off to sleep._

_"Mmm?" Joon cards his fingers through Cheolyong's hair._

_"You said you're getting out of here one day right?" Cheolyong's fingers play lightly over his chest, counting ribs._

_"Yeah."_

_Cheolyong's fingers still over his heart, Joon can feel it, warm and a familiar weight and wonders if Cheolyong can feel how much he loves him through the beat of his heart. "Can I," Cheolyong lifts his head and looks up at him, "Can I come with you?"_

_Joon stares at him for a heartbeat before barking out a laugh. "You're an idiot!" he laughs and Cheolyong's face falls immediately._

_"Would I go anywhere without you?" Joon asks, tugging a little at Cheolyong's hair._

_Cheolyong smiles, the brightest of the day. He lies back down, shifting up and closer and Joon wraps both arms around him. He listens to Cheolyong as he lists all the places they could go, all the things they could do._

_"We can be farmers, Joonie. We'll be free then. No one will bother us and we can have chickens and cows and goats. You'd look really cute in a straw hat." Cheolyong talks until he falls asleep midsentence. Joon closes his eyes, knowing without a doubt that he has never loved anyone more than how much he loves this boy in his arms._

 

\---

 

_"I was wondering when you'd call."_

 

Joon tenses immediately, which makes Sanghyun look over at him curiously.

 

"Byunghee?"

 

_"I thought you loved your little boyfriend. Or has freedom really gotten to your head?"_

 

Joon's fingers clench around the phone.

 

"Where is he? What did you do?"

 

Byunghee chuckles. _"I suggest you come back, Lee Joon. That is, if you want to see Cheolyong again."_

 

Sanghyun is staring at him now with wide eyes but all Joon can feel is the dread spreading across his heart.

 

"If you hurt him, if you touch a hair on his head-"

 

_"Don't make idle threats, Joon. Come back immediately. You know I hate waiting."_

 

"Byunghee, let him go! Don't hurt him!" he yells but the line has already disconnected.

 

\---

 

Joon is trembling when Sanghyun gently pries the phone out of his hand. He takes Joon's sweaty hands in his' and smooths out the clenched fingers.

 

"Joon?"

 

Joon's fingers wrap around his'. "I have to go," he says slowly.

 

"For Cheolyong."

 

Joon looks up. "He's in trouble and I-" Joon scrubs a hand through his hair. "-I can't leave him." Joon leans forward, resting his head on Sanghyun's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

 

Sanghyun wraps his arms around Joon and wishes he could keep him safe, keep him from having to go back to a place Joon so desperately wants to escape. He presses his lips to Joon's dark hair. The red is fading now, the black roots growing out.

 

"I want to come with you," he says softly, running soothing hands down Joon's back.

 

"No!" Joon tears himself back. "Don't even think about it." Joon takes Sanghyun's face in both hands. "I don't want you to ever come near that place. Ever." Joon's thumbs caress over Sanghyun's cheeks.

 

"Thank you." He kisses Sanghyun sweetly on the lips. "I'm so glad to have found you."

 

Sanghyun kisses him back and tries not to think of how much those words sound like a goodbye.

 

He drives Joon to the train station, Joon sitting silent and still in the passenger seat, gnawing worriedly at his bottom lip.

 

"When you find him," Sanghyun says as Joon is about to open the door and leave, "Bring him home."

 

Joon smiles brightly and nods. "I will."

 

Sanghyun sits quietly in the car as the train pulls out and Joon disappears from his life. He doesn't realise time passing and suddenly it's dark and he is freezing, almost shivering inside the car. He wonders if Joon is somewhere warm, if he's found Cheolyong, if they're both safe.

He listens to his breaths in the quiet stillness in the car and realises finally he has found something to drag him out of his self-imposed exile. He turns the key in the ignition and hopes he is not too late.

 

***


	9. Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time he doesn't want to live to tell the tale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story inspired by 'This is war' MV by MBLAQ.

 

Sanghyun waits in the corridor while the head house keeper goes to announce him. Two smartly clad guards hover around him, ensuring he doesn't do anything troublesome. He knows he doesn't fit here, with his mismatched clothes and messy hair. There was a time when he would have but that was a long time ago and he is not that person anymore. He looks up when Seungho rushes into the room.

 

"Sanghyun." His eyes roam over Sanghyun carefully. "What's wrong?"

 

"I need your help," Sanghyun says as Seungho dismisses the guards with a nod. Seungho's eyes narrow.

 

"What did he do?"

 

Sanghyun runs a hand through his already messy hair.

 

"I think he might be in trouble."

 

Sanghyun follows as Seungho leads him to the living room. One of the living rooms, Sanghyun is pretty sure this house has more than one of everything. He sits down on the white leather couch and Seungho sits beside him.

 

"Tell me."

 

"I'm sorry to bother you like this," Sanghyun apologises quietly.

 

"Don't be stupid, Sanghyun. You know I put you above everything," Seungho says and Sanghyun looks up at him.

 

"Thank you. Have I ever said thank you?" he asks softly. Seungho smiles and pulls him closer with an arm around his shoulders.

 

"Idiot! You never have to thank me. Now tell me, what's happened to your pet criminal?"

 

Sanghyun glares half-heartedly. "He's not a criminal," he defends and Seungho laughs.

 

"Sure, sure. Whatever you say."

 

\---

 

He looks up at the three story house. It looks the same, this tired looking building melding in with all the other similarly washed out buildings around it. Joon knows this early in the morning, there would be almost no activity in the house. It almost feels like he's failed, coming back to this place when he was only just beginning to get used to being free. He should have known it would call him back. Byunghee had told him, when he'd first brought them in and fed him and Cheolyong their first warm meal in weeks, that this would be their home. And it will never let them go. Joon had been so happy to hear that then. Overjoyed to have a roof over his head and food in their bellies. And the work itself was bearable and so much safer than working in the streets and such a small price to pay to have a home, to have Cheolyong out of the winter's cold. But then he'd almost died and he'd finally come to realise that maybe he should have listened to his heart and left a long time ago. But he has Cheolyong, who used to curl into him in the freezing nights of winter, thin arms wrapped around him as they tried desperately to keep each other warm. Cheolyong, who always laughed too hard and wore his heart on his sleeve, who Joon loves so much that he's about to walk into this house even when he's pretty sure he is not going to come back out.

 

The first person he finds when he enters the house is Jinki, sitting at the kitchen counter, nibbling on a piece of toast, a mug of steaming something beside him. Joon immediately looks around for Kibum but Jinki is alone in the room. He takes a step into Jinki's field of vision and watches as his eyes widen almost comically.

 

"Joon!" Jinki cries and looks around to see if anyone is around. "What are you doing here?" Jinki jumps off the counter and rushes towards him. "You have to leave! If Byunghee finds you- Joon, you're in trouble!" Jinki sounds so worried that Joon can't help but smile a little. Jinki and Kibum had taken care of him and Cheolyong when they had first arrived.

 

"Jinki," Joon takes Jinki by the shoulders. "Is Cheolyong here?"

 

Joon's heart sinks as Jinki's face falls. "I don't think so, Joon. I haven't seen him for a week at least. I'm sorry."

 

Joon takes a breath to calm his heart. "Is Byunghee here?"

 

"Joon, please leave," Jinki begs. "He's been so angry since you disappeared and then at Cheolyong some weeks ago. Joon, don't let him find you."

 

Joon notices, for the first time, the dark bruise on the side of Jinki's pale throat. He reaches up, fingers tracing over the bruise gently. "Where's Kibum?"

 

Jinki looks heartbroken for a moment before taking a deep breath. He takes Joon's hands in both of his'.

 

"Go while you have the chance, Joon." There are tears in Jinki's eyes as he looks up at him. "Please. I don't want to lose you too."

 

\---

 

Byunghee’s eyes widen almost imperceptibly when he first sees him. Then he scoffs out a laugh and stands up. Joon stands his ground as Byunghee makes his way around the table, hands in pockets, to stand infront of him. Joon is expecting it, the fist flying towards his face, but it's still a shock when it connects and he gasps in pain and stumbles back.

 

"You stupid bastard," Byunghee growls. "Did you really think you could leave?"

 

Joon wipes at his mouth and his hand comes away smeared with blood.

 

"You sold me to a man who thought he could fuck me and then kill me! Why would I want to come back?" Joon shouts.

 

Byunghee frowns. "That was… not meant to happen," he says almost contritely. "It was taken care of." Byunghee looks back at Joon and his gaze hardens. "You should have come back."

 

"Where's Cheolyong?" Joon asks.

 

Byunghee raises an eyebrow at him. "Do you suddenly care?"

 

Joon clenches his fists against Byunghee’s mocking voice.

 

"Please, Byunghee."

 

Byunghee studies him intently. "You caused me a lot of trouble, Joon."

 

Joon drops his gaze. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

 

"Cheolyong was demoted," Byunghee says quietly.

 

Joon looks up in horror. Demoted means the streets, means not knowing if you'd come home with a few broken ribs or if you'd come home at all. They had promised each other they would never go back to that. Ever.

 

"Orders from the top. Boss doesn't like disobedience. I'm sorry, Joon," Byunghee’s voice is soft, almost apologetic.

 

"Please, Byunghee. Please let him go." Joon feels the tears stinging at his eyes. "Please, I'll do anything."

 

"Joon…"

 

"Please, Byunghee. You said you'd take care of us, please. Put me on the streets but not Cheolyong, please I'm begging you."

 

Joon sees Sanghyun in his mind, playing his guitar for him bathed in the evening sunlight, standing at the stove, stirring something Joon knows he'd love just by the way it smells, kissing him against the caravan door, warm and gentle and perfect. Joon falls to his knees before Byunghee. Sanghyun is the dream of the life Joon has always wished for. His knees hit the cold tile floor and reality lets itself be known in the pain that flares.

 

\--- 

 

Byunghee catches at Seungho's sleeve as he is about to get up.

 

"Stay."

 

Seungho tugs his arm away from Byunghee’s fingers and gets up.

 

"I already told you I can't," Seungho says patiently, buttoning up his shirt. Byunghee’s face twists a little.

 

"He can't survive a day without you?"

 

Seungho glances at him over his shoulder. "Don't."

 

Byunghee turns his face away towards the window. "If you cared as much about this business as you do your Sanghyun, we'd be the most successful in the country."

 

Seungho chuckles and slips his phone into his pocket. "I don't care about your whores."

 

"They're your whores too, or have you forgotten?" Byunghee snaps.

 

"Hmm. I suppose they are," Seungho muses thoughtfully. "Is there a Joon in my collection of whores? And a Cheolyong?"

 

Byunghee looks up at him curiously. "Why the sudden interest?"

 

Seungho's face hardens. "Do I or do I not?"

 

Byunghee sits up in bed, covers falling down to his waist. "You decided to demote Cheolyong last week."

 

Seungho frowns slightly. "I see. And Joon?"

 

"You didn't seem to care about him when I told you he disappeared two months ago. Why do you suddenly care now?"

 

Seungho looks surprised for a moment. "That was him?"

 

"He came back a few days ago from whatever hole he'd run off to," Byunghee says, eyes fixed on Seungho's face.

 

Seungho's face tightens for a moment before relaxing. "Well I hope you don't let that happen again," he says lightly, walking towards the door.

 

"Seungho-"

 

"Don't wait up," Seungho calls as he leaves.

 

\---

 

Sanghyun hears the car outside and then he's jumping off the couch and rushing out. There's Seungho getting out of the car and-

 

"Sanghyun!" Sanghyun finds himself with an armful of clingy Cheolyong. He wraps his arms around Cheolyong automatically, almost shaking in his arms, and looks back at the car expectantly. But Seungho shakes his head. Sanghyun feels his heart plummet. Seungho puts a gentle hand on Sanghyun's shoulder.

 

"I will find him, Sanghyun," Seungho promises quietly.

 

Later, after Seungho had left, Sanghyun gently puts antiseptic on the small grazes on Cheolyong's face. When he sees Cheolyong's wrists, rubbed raw, he can't hide his horror and feels tears stinging his eyes when Cheolyong assures him it barely hurts.

 

"I need to go back for Joon," Cheolyong whispers, fingers tightening around Sanghyun's after he tells Cheolyong that Joon had left for him. Sanghyun finishes wrapping the bandages around Cheolyong's wrists.

 

"Seungho is looking for him," Sanghyun murmurs, stretching out Cheolyong's fingers one by one, noting the little white scars on his palms, just like Joon's. Cheolyong rests his head on Sanghyun's shoulder. "Joonie would have gone back to that place looking for me." Cheolyong's voice is so small, half muffled by Sanghyun's shoulder.

 

"Then Seungho will find him easily," Sanghyun says, knowing for certain that his confidence is not misplaced. He had found Cheolyong after all.

Cheolyong lifts his head to look at him, a tentative smile on his face.

 

"Can I stay?" he asks, eyes darting away from Sanghyun's nervously. "I don't really have anywhere to go and I promise to work really hard! I can even fix your TV! You know you shouldn't have let Joonie try to fix it, he sucks at that sort of thing," Cheolyong finishes with a conspiratorial whisper.

 

Sanghyun can't help but laugh. His TV is still in its bare parts, strewn across the coffee table. He hadn't really cared about getting it fixed. But he liked the little frown of concentration on Joon's face as he tried to figure out how to connect it all back together. He presses his lips to Cheolyong's forehead, who wraps his arms around him gratefully.

 

"Of course you can stay."

 

\---

 

It's Cheolyong's idea to plant the sun flowers.

 

They buy the seeds together and Sanghyun digs little trenches behind the caravan while Cheolyong tells him exactly how much distance should be between each plant. He finds out while he's gently patting the earth around the seeds that Cheolyong has always wanted a garden.

 

"A really big one with lots of trees and flowers and chickens!" Cheolyong informs him, crouching down to inspect Sanghyun's work closely. Sanghyun had forbidden him to do anything because of his wrists.

 

"Chickens?" Sanghyun laughs.

 

"Of course! It's a farm, you see," Cheolyong informs him happily, "We have to have chickens!"

 

"You want to be a farmer?" Sanghyun asks curiously. He'd never take Cheolyong for a farmer.

 

"Me and Joonie always wanted to run away to a farm. It'll be nice," Cheolyong says softly, quietly. Sanghyun watches the way Cheolyong's lips curve up to a wistful smile and thinks how easy he has found it lately, to fall in love.

 

"I think you should come with us, Sanghyun." Cheolyong's voice is bright again. "Joonie wouldn't go without you," he says with a definitive nod. "I don't want to go without you either." Cheolyong pouts as if Sanghyun had said no.

 

"Alright," Sanghyun agrees slowly, never truly contemplating any other answer, and gets himself a lap full of excited Cheolyong.

 

"We can grow sunflowers there too!" Cheolyong tells him happily. Sanghyun brushes a dirt encrusted finger down Cheolyong's nose in response. Cheolyong squeaks and threatens revenge. Sanghyun lets Cheolyong chase him around the caravan a few times before calling a truce for lunch. Cheolyong lists the names of his chickens during lunch, a whole family of them including five little chooks. Sanghyun listens with a smile and wishes Joon would come home.

 

\---

 

Sanghyun wakes up to the sound of the front door opening. For a heartbeat, he panics. Just because he's never been robbed before doesn't mean he'd be safe forever. And he didn't want the door locked in case Joon comes home. He sits up, and Cheolyong makes a protesting noise in sleep and proceeds to sprawl all over his lap as Seungho walks in.

 

"Seungho?" Sanghyun asks, surprised, trying to pat down his hair as the other man frowns down at Cheolyong. "Is there- did you find him?"

 

Seungho sets down the bags of what looks like take-away food in his hands on the kitchen table and turns around slowly to face him.

 

"He's gone."

 

Sanghyun feels the blood freeze in his veins. "What?" he whispers. Maybe it is too early in the morning for him to understand.

 

"All my sources say he's left the country," Seungho clarifies carefully.

 

Relief floods Sanghyun in an overwhelming wave. "Is he okay?" he asks, hand tightening slightly in Cheolyong's hair.

 

"There were some people after him. He … I don't think he can come back."

 

Sanghyun stares at Seungho in disbelief.

 

"I'm sorry, Sanghyun."

 

Sanghyun shakes his head. He sees his map of the world pinned up on the wall. The single flag on Jeju island seems so lonely right now.

 

"Is he safe?"

 

Seungho nods. "Yes, he is safe."

 

Sanghyun tries to blinks back the tears in his eyes and Cheolyong coos softly in his sleep, arm coming to wrap around his waist.

 

"What are you going to do with him?" Seungho asks, looking down at Cheolyong. "I know a few places that might hire him."

 

"I told him he could stay," Sanghyun whispers, eyes on Cheolyong's sleeping form. Cheolyong had insisted Sanghyun sleep on the bed before climbing in with him in the middle of the night claiming a nightmare.

 

Sanghyun looks up to see Seungho's face hardening.

 

"Sanghyun, don't do this," he pleads. "You know it'll only hurt you."

 

"Shouldn't you be happy that I don't want to be a hermit anymore?" he asks, the lightness he tries to inject into his voice fades without an impact and he just sounds tired and sad even to himself. "I promised Joon I'd look after him." And Joon had promised to come back.

 

Seungho watches him silently for a moment. "Come home with me," Seungho offers suddenly, taking one of Sanghyun's hands in his own.

 

Sanghyun blinks. "What?"

 

Seungho leans closer. "Come live with me. You don't have to stay out here anymore. You just said you're not a hermit." Seungho lifts Sanghyun's hand to his lips and the kiss is soft and lingering. "Stay with me."

 

"Seungho," Sanghyun tries. But Seungho had pushed him away.

 

_I’m sorry, Sanghyun. But this isn’t good for either of us right now._

 

Seungho has never liked Sanghyun this way.

 

"He's not coming back, Sanghyun."

 

"He said he would," Sanghyun says, surprised when his voice almost sounds defiant.

 

Seungho's face tightens. "Sanghyun-"

 

"I'm hungry!" Cheolyong cries suddenly from Sanghyun's lap. Seungho's grip on Sanghyun's hand tightens for the barest of seconds before letting go. Seungho stands up as Cheolyong yawns and sits up. "Sanghyun, I'm hungry," Cheolyong repeats, tugging at Sanghyun and completely ignoring Seungho's looming presence.

 

"Okay." Sanghyun look's away from Seungho to smile at Cheolyong. "Let's make breakfast." He looks back up at Seungho who watches him with narrowed eyes for a long moment before turning on his heel and leaving.

 

"He's dangerous," Cheolyong says as the snap of the door slamming close reverberates through the caravan. Sanghyun had never, in all the years he'd known Seungho, had ever thought of him as dangerous. Cheolyong threads their fingers together.

 

"He can't have you," Cheolyong states confidently. "We're going to find Joonie and go live in our farm."

 

"Cheolyong-"

 

"Do you really think Joon would leave like that?" Cheolyong asks, cutting across him impatiently. "He wouldn't leave us. If he was leaving he would take us with him too."

 

Joon had left Cheolyong once. But Sanghyun knows he would never do that again. Unless Joon thought he was protecting them by leaving. He says as much to Cheolyong.

 

"Then let's find out if he's really gone," Cheolyong says in a tone of voice that clearly says he believes none of it. Sanghyun draws Cheolyong closer and rests their heads together. He'd never thought he would find this again. Family. Never thought it would be so easy to love. This time, if they go down, they'd do it together.

 

"Okay," he agrees and Cheolyong grins triumphantly. "Let's find Joon."

 

This time he doesn't want to live to tell the tale.

 

***


	10. Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joon stands at the gate to his heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story inspired by 'This is war' MV by MBLAQ.

 

"Get rid of him."

 

It takes Byunghee a moment to recognise the caller. He should have known. Only one person would dare call him so early in the morning. He'd just been falling asleep.

 

"Good morning to you too." Sometimes Seungho makes it too easy.

 

"Get rid of him," Seungho repeats. Voice low and impatient.

 

Byunghee holds the phone closer and sits up.

 

"Who?"

 

Silence for a moment on the other end. Then- "Joon."

 

"Seungho-"

 

"Just do it!" Seungho snaps and the line ends a moment later.

 

Byunghee throws the phone down on the bed vehemently and runs both hands through his hair. He almost regrets taking them in now, Joon and Cheolyong, they had caused him so much trouble.

 

Almost.

 

\---

 

They find Kibum in the very same alleyway that Cheolyong had predicted. Sanghyun sees a tall figure leaning against a poster covered brick wall, all long limbs and languid grace. Sanghyun can tell that he's beautiful even before they are close. Cheolyong rushes to him the moment he spots him.

 

"Kibum!" Cheolyong yells, jumping into the arms of a startled Kibum. Sanghyun follows a little more sedately.

 

"Cheolyong! What are you doing here?" Kibum chokes out as Cheolyong holds on to him by hands tightly wrapped around his neck. Cheolyong seems to realise this a moment later and loosens his arms slightly.

 

"Are you alright?" Kibum tries again, rubbing at his throat, eyes travelling to Sanghyun, standing behind Cheolyong.

 

Cheolyong smiles. "Kibum, this is Sanghyun. Sanghyun-" Cheolyong says, turning towards Sanghyun. "- this is the famous Kibum."

 

Kibum nods to him with a laugh. "Not so famous now. You see where I've ended up."

 

Cheolyong shakes his head earnestly. "You'll always be my favourite." Kibum's face eases into a fond smile.

 

"What are you doing here, Cheolyong? I thought you-"

 

"Does Byunghee have Joon?" Cheolyong asks before Kibum can finish. Kibum looks annoyed for a moment before sighing softly.

 

"I heard he came back a few days ago."

 

"Is he still there?" Cheolyong asks excitedly, not catching the sombre undertone to Kibum's words.

 

"Cheolyong, you shouldn't let his sacrifice go to waste."

 

Sanghyun feels his heart freeze.

 

"What do you mean?" Cheolyong cries anxiously, grasping at Kibum. Kibum grips both of Cheolyong's hands in his'.  "Jinki told me Joon agreed to stay at the house if Byunghee let you go."

 

Cheolyong stares at Kibum, disbelief clearly written on his face.

 

"That idiot! I'm gonna kill him! I'll kill him!" Cheolyong finally yells and bursts into tears.  Sanghyun wraps his arms around him as Cheolyong turns into him, burying his face in Sanghyun's shoulder.

 

"But he is still at the house?" Sanghyun asks and Kibum's curious eyes travel from Cheolyong, wrapped up in Sanghyun's arms, up to meet Sanghyun's eyes.

 

"Of course. Where else would be?"

 

\---

 

Joon stares at the two tickets lying on top of the table infront of him in shock before looking back up at Byunghee.

 

"You're letting me go?" he asks in disbelief. Byunghee sighs.

 

"What part of 'leave and don't come back' don't you understand?"

 

"But this-" Joon gestures helplessly at the plane tickets.

 

"You've made a powerful enemy, Joon. Take Cheolyong - stop, I know you will find him- and leave the country. Do you understand? Go and don't come back."

 

"Byunghee- who… who wants to-"

 

"Do you want me to tell your whole life story? Just be glad I'm letting you go, even if you continue to cause me trouble like this."

 

"Byunghee-"

 

"Take the tickets and leave before I change my mind," Byunghee snaps.

 

Joon picks up the tickets. They are open plan, without a fixed destination. He looks up at Byunghee with wide eyes. There is a soft look in his eyes as he watches Joon.

 

"Never say I didn't look after you," Byunghee says softly.

 

"Thank you," Joon whispers, tears stinging at his eyes.

 

Byunghee grins at him. "Why are you still here?" he asks and Joon scrambles, scrubbing at his eyes as he leaves.

 

\---

 

Jinki's eyes are still half lidded with sleep when he comes to meet them behind the house. Cheolyong jumps into his arms making Jinki stagger back.

 

"Cheolyong?" Jinki croaks and Cheolyong loosens his arms a little. "How- why are you here?"

 

"Jinki, you look great!" Cheolyong exclaims and Jinki pats at his hair with a self conscious hand. He sees Jinki's eyes wonder curiously to Sanghyun waiting behind them.

 

"Jinki, this is Sanghyun," he introduces, sweeping a hand in Sanghyun's direction. He tugs Sanghyun closer with an arm around his waist. "Sanghyun, this is Jinki, best singing voice in the country!"

 

Jinki blushes, rubbing at the back of his neck.

 

"Nice to meet you," Sanghyun greets softly, reaching out a hand. Jinki takes it without hesitation.

 

"He told me about you," Jinki says and Cheolyong watches Sanghyun's eyes widen.

 

"Is he here?" Cheolyong asks, hating the worry that creeps inevitably into his voice. Jinki's face falls and Cheolyong feels Sanghyun tense beside him.

 

"He left this morning?"

 

"Left?" he asks, confused.

 

"Byunghee let him go."

 

"What?" he cries.

 

Jinki takes him by the shoulders. "Obviously I don't know the whole story, Cheolyong.  But Joon, he- he didn't look unhappy. I think Byunghee really did let him go."

 

Cheolyong stumbles back and Sanghyun catches him with strong arms. He stares at Jinki in shock.

 

"He's free?"

 

Jinki smiles. "Yeah. He's free."

 

\---

  

Sanghyun sees him first. He doesn't register the figure sitting at his doorstep and has to do a double take. Cheolyong is chattering away at him excitedly and hasn't seen Joon yet, waiting for them. Sanghyun can't help the smile or the relieved sigh. He feels as though he can finally breathe easily. He stops wondering about why Seungho had lied to him. Joon is safe. He is home. Cheolyong follows his gaze. He takes a breath, eyes wide and mouth open. Then he runs. Like a parched man towards water. Like Joon is the last hope in the world. Sanghyun is only a step behind.

Joon stands up and takes a step towards them, arms open wide, face bright with a wide smile. Cheolyong doesn't slow as he reaches Joon and hits him at full force, driving him back into the caravan. Cheolyong clings to Joon, in tears and Sanghyun follows after him, hand clutching at the back of Joon's shirt and the other in Cheolyong's and buries his face in the crook of Joon's neck. He has never, in his whole life, felt so much relief.

 

"If you ever do that again," Cheolyong growls, drawing back just a little and glaring at Joon. "I will beat you up!" 

 

Joon touches a hand to the side of Cheolyong's face. "You're safe," Joon breathes and Cheolyong's face crumbles.

 

"Idiot!" he mutters and buries his face in Joon's chest again. Joon leans his head over Cheolyong's and smiles at Sanghyun.

 

"You're home," Sanghyun says quietly and Joon weaves their fingers together.

 

\---

 

The tires screech loudly as Seungho takes the turn too sharply. He isn't worried. The car was built to handle it. It was built to get him to Sanghyun. It's funny how much of his life he'd spent moving back and forth around Sanghyun, how much of it he had spent worrying about Sanghyun, caring for him, loving him. When Sanghyun's parents and sister died in the car accident, Sanghyun had turned to him, inconsolable with grief and Seungho had shouldered it all. He'd arranged the funeral, stepped in to manage the Park business interests and taken care of Sanghyun as he tried his hardest to destroy himself.

He has been in love with Sanghyun for such a long time that it feels like he's spent his whole life waiting for him. And he knows he would regret it forever that he had pushed Sanghyun away that day. That day when Sanghyun had kissed him, lips as warm and soft as he'd always imagined. But Seungho couldn't, wouldn't let himself kiss him back. Stopped himself from pulling Sanghyun closer and ravishing him. Because Sanghyun's eyes were still so full of grief, so lost that Seungho would have hated himself for taking advantage. Worse yet, Sanghyun would have despised him. Seungho has always been willing to wait for Sanghyun.

Then one day he had come to Sanghyun and there had been another man in Sanghyun's home. And from the way Sanghyun's eyes lit up when they fell on Joon, in his heart as well. It was a cruel twist of fate to find out that Joon was one of his own men. One of his whores. Seungho smiles to himself as he pulls up to Sanghyun's caravan. The thing about Joon being one of his own only means that Seungho has power over him. Problem easily solved. Sanghyun will finally be his' as he was always meant to be. He steps outside of the car and immediately hears laughter coming from the open window of the caravan. Seungho frowns slightly. It must be Cheolyong. Sanghyun doesn't know about Joon yet. That annoying kid. It shouldn't be too hard, Seungho thinks, to convince Sanghyun to let him go. Especially if Seungho, so kindly, offers him a bright future.

He walks over to the caravan, preparing the words in his head to let Sanghyun know of the tragedy of Joon's passing. It would have been inevitable, he was mixed up with some unsavoury people. After all, Sanghyun was the one to find him with that bullet in his shoulder.

He looks in the window and freezes in shock. The first thought that runs through his mind when he sees Joon standing in Sanghyun's kitchen beside Sanghyun him, is that Byunghee had betrayed him. Byunghee, who has been in love with him for years, who Seungho knew would follow him forever because of that, had betrayed him. He pushes the thoughts of payback to the back of his mind as he heads back towards the car. Maybe he'd take care of this problem himself.

 

\---

 

They make dinner together, putting Cheolyong in charge of the rice since it is the least difficult of the tasks and doesn't involve handling a sharp object. Joon is cutting the vegetables and Sanghyun is frying the fish. Cheolyong decides to fill Joon in on everything he missed while he is washing the rice. Joon meeds Sanghyun’s eyes and smiles when the farm comes up with the family of chickens.

 

"I'll show you the sunflowers after dinner okay!" Cheolyong chirps happily, "They've already grown a lot! Sanghyun is so much better at growing things than you Joonie!"

 

"Hey!" Joon huffs unhappily. "But I'll look best in a straw hat!"

 

Sanghyun laughs. "Wait till you see me in one," he says and Cheolyong grins at him. Joon frowns and resorts to throwing carrot peels at them both.

 

Sanghyun dodges and the peels hit the wall beside the world map and stick there. The two plane tickets are pinned to Jeju island.  And there are three more names on his calendar now, including his own. Cheolyong's written in huge letters across March, Joon's in small neat writing over February. Cheolyong had written Sanghyun's name above Seungho's, decorated by pink love hearts in October.

 

Sanghyun watches Cheolyong setting the lid on the rice cooker and Joon carefully dicing the carrots and thinks finally, finally his heart has mended. He smiles to himself when cheolyong wraps his arms around him from behind, tucking his chin over his shoulder. Sanghyun is sure he must be stepping on his tip toes to reach up to him.

 

"I'm hungry, Sanghyun," Cheolyong murmurs and Sanghyun turns in his arms just in time to see Seungho enter the caravan. Sanghyun is about to call out a greeting when he sees what is held in Seungho's white knuckled hand. He feels the words die in his mouth as Joon stands up, clearly noticing what Sanghyun had. Sanghyun pushes Cheolyong behind him on instinct as Joon shifts closer to him, eyes fixed on the gun.

 

"Seungho," Sanghyun starts. Seungho's eyes snap to him.

 

"Are you happy? Is this what you want?" seungho asks. Sanghyun would think it curiosity but for the undercurrent of tension behind the words. The gun taps impatiently against Seungho's thigh.

 

"Seungho, why-"

 

"Do you even know what they are?" Seungho yells. "Do you know where they're from? What they've done?"

 

"Seungho-" Joon starts but freezes when Seungho levels the gun at him.

 

Sanghyun steps slightly to his left, between Joon and the gun pointed at him.

 

"Seungho, what are you doing?"

 

"They're nothing, Sanghyun. They are dirt. You deserve so much better than them," Seungho tells him and Sanghyun feels Cheolyong flinch at his back.

 

Sanghyun tries to swallow back the angry words.

 

"I love them, Seungho. I'm happy because of them," Sanghyun says softly, willing Seungho to understand. "You said you wanted me to be happy. Do you remember? At the hospital? You said 'I'll do whatever I have to make you happy, Sanghyun, please don't die'"

Seungho's eyes widen.

 

"You thought I couldn't hear." Seungho's warm tears had cooled over Sanghyun's skin. "And I wanted to get better. For you. Seungho, please," Sanghyun pleads. "Please put the gun down."

 

Seungho takes a deep breath, the gun lowering a little. "You've always been mine."

 

"Sanghyun doesn't belong to you!" Cheolyong yells suddenly and Seungho turns the gun towards him.

 

"Stop, Cheolyong!" Sanghyun takes a step forward, arms spread wide. Cheolyong clings to him stubbornly. "You don't owe him anything," Cheolyong mutters into Sanghyun's shoulder.

 

Seungho laughs mockingly. "No? Were you there when his family died and he tried to destroy himself? Were you there to pick up the pieces and put him back together? No! I did that! I've loved him all this time and you don't get to just come in and take him away!"

 

Sanghyun stares at Seungho, mouth slightly agape with surprise. He takes a step forward, wrenching himself away from Joon and Cheolyong.

 

"Seungho, I'm sorry," he says softly. "You looked after me so well.  You were the only thing between me and oblivion for so long." Sanghyun takes another step forward. "I love you. I have always loved you, Seungho. How could I not? Put that thing away and I'll come with you, okay?" Sanghyun offers, voice low and calm, willing the others to stay back, willing them to stay quiet.

 

"NO!" comes the twin cries of protest from behind him and he hears the bang, sees the aftershock pushing Seungho back as the gun fires and he hears a shout and a low grunt of pain. He stands frozen for a moment in the middle of his home. Then he turns slowly and sees Joon. Sees Joon supporting Cheolyong, who is gasping in pain and there is a patch of red blooming on his grey shirt that Sanghyun had pulled out of the laundry for him just that morning. Joon falls to his knees, supporting Cheolyong as his knees buckle and Sanghyun makes for Seungho without hesitation. Seungho is staring wide eyed at Cheolyong. The gun had fallen to the floor and Sanghyun accidentally kicks it as he shoves Seungho backwards.

 

"Get out!" Seungho stumbles back. "Go!"

 

Seungho catches at Sanghyun's hands as Sanghyun pushes him out the door. "Sanghyun…"

 

Sanghyun stops. "Give me your keys," he snaps, holding out a hand and Seungho hands them over without hesitation.

 

"I don't ever want to see you again," he pushes at Seungho harshly. "Leave!" he orders and rushes back inside.

 

"Joon, I've got-" he stops mid-sentence. Joon is bent over Cheolyong who is gasping for breath in his arms. Cheolyong reaches a trembling hand towards him and Sanghyun is kneeling down beside him in a flash.

 

"Sanghyun," Cheolyong whispers. There is blood in his mouth now and Cheolyong coughs, trying to breathe. Joon is crying, tears running down his face ceaselessly. "Don't forget the sunflowers okay," Cheolyong breathes.

Sanghyun grips Cheolyong's hand and nods, barely able to see past the tears in his eyes. "I won't. I won't. Or the chickens. A whole family of them," he promises.

Cheolyong smiles. And then he coughs, spitting blood and twisting in Joon's arms.

 

"Joonie," Cheolyong gasps.

 

Joon kisses him on the lips. "I love you. I love you." he whispers into Cheolyong's skin. And Sanghyun sees Cheolyong's lips curve up into a smile and then-

 

 

\---

 

Joon walks up the gravel path towards the cottage. Late spring sun bears down on him and he lifts his face towards the cloudless blue sky of Jeju island with a smile. It is a perfect day. He is coming home.

He stops at the fence, hands spread over the rough wooden post. He sees Sanghyun on the porch, guitar in his hands. He can almost hear the cords, Joon thinks, if he listens hard enough.

Joon smiles, slowly and longingly.

 

Home.

 

Cheolyong is sitting on the floor by Sanghyun's feet, head resting on Sanghyun's knee. He watches as Sanghyun's hands still on the strings and Cheolyong looks up at him, lips forming words Joon is too far away to hear. Then Sanghyun lifts his head and looks directly at him. Joon stands still as Sanghyun's eyes widen. He sees Cheolyong's eyes follow Sanghyun's gaze. Joon stands at the gate to his heaven. He watches Cheolyong jump off the porch, dashing towards him with a happy shout and Sanghyun following a step behind. Joon smiles and pushes the gate open.

 

 

**_The end._ **


End file.
